I Love Summer...

Friday night...

The fan whirled softly overhead while a squirrel ran across the fence, and the fireflies made the landscape sparkle...

... dusk always makes me feel like the Lord's Hand is over us.

... as though He is surrounding the world with His Beauty.

... as though something greater than we could even imagine is just beyond the horizon waiting patiently on us.

... dusk is when Hope and Peace fill the air.

... it's when the best conversations, sweetest moments, and incredible memories are made...

And during those times, nothing but my big sister and an empty stomach can pull me from my lawnchair, because if only for a moment, the world feels as though the it is stable and still.

... if only for a moment on a Friday night.

Cali highlights!

My week in California was fabulous... I didn't realize how much I needed a vacation until I was halfway through the trip! I'll post more later, but here's some highlights in pictures!

We ate...

We cooked...

We relaxed...

We made new friends...

Reconnected and spent time with cherished old friends...

We climbed a mountain...

We played...

And we basked in God's Glory...

More to come later...

California

This morning...

My heart nearly hit the ceiling when I woke up and realized I had less than ten minutes to be out the door...

Somehow... by the Grace of God I think... I made it.

Driving home, my sunroof open, while stopped at the stoplight, I stopped, looked up and finally took a deep breath.

...vacation...

Four years in the making and now it's finally here!

California here I come! :)

Eyes that hold no hope

I have seen eyes that hold no hope.

Souls struggling... for nothing.

Working desparately for everything that they can't quite grasp... working so hard for everything that will never last...

All their work in vain.

Yesterday... I struggled to understand what the World's birth pains where... I knew of famines, of tragedy... but today... today it just all seems so close.

Too close.

Hurricanes, Tornados, Earthquakes... Thousands upon thousands of souls gone in a flash.

Birth pains (Matthew 24)... I understand now.

My heart struggles... We have it so easy and yet.

Of those... I'm sure that among those are my brothers and sisters.

I'm sure of it.

And they are struggling now.

I pray for them.

And I have seen the power of prayer.

Miracles upon miracles performed by our Lord.

Far away, and close to home. People need to know the way.

Because the darkness draws close...

But God is in the darkness. This I know.

His Light overcomes the darkness...

He is the Light to an overwhelmingly dark world.

And His children, His reflection even in the darkest of days...

Pray for His reflecting lights... Pray for His people... Pray for the lost... Pray for those surrounded by dark...

I see the darkness drawning closer, but I'm scared of my own weakness. I'm scared when I see brother and sister turn on each other over the silliest things... because if we don't stand shoulder to shoulder now... then when?

Help us Lord to be strong in You. Help us to stand side by side... Forgive us for being so weak... for being so easy to bend... for being so quick to find fault in others... and so slow to find it in ourselves... Help those hurting right now... be with those in the dark... Please stay near to us Father... Help all of us who are reflections to be as bright as we can... and guide our footsteps directly into Your loving arms...

There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try

Last year...
I had the most beautiful little boy in my Sunday School/ nursery class at church.

He is incredibly smart, has the most beautiful green eyes, hates wearing his shoes, and has a little teddy bear shaped sippy cup that goes everywhere he does.

He also has Down's Syndrome.

For months, I stood back and watched him as he tried so hard to get his clumsy feet, legs, and hands to work for him... not against him.

Months and months went by and he continued to struggle. He became a better walker... He graduated from his high chair to a regular chair... He got better at using his hands... but he just couldn't quite get past whatever it was that was keeping him from being able to climb.

Until one day, Charlie learned how to climb.

Tears filled my eyes and one slipped down my cheek as he finally - FINALLY, was able to climb up on top of his chair. He stood as tall as he could, looked around the room, turned in half a circle and then threw both of his sweet chubby arms above his head.

I sent up a prayer of thanks as I sat behind him making sure he wouldn't fall.

Charlie can climb.

For months he couldn't do it... but he never gave up.

He triumphed and I couldn't have been happier... I wanted to throw him a party right there on the spot...

Because Charlie did it. He made it!

Later that night...I realized how we could all learn from my little friend Charlie.

I had Charlie in my class for nearly a year and every Sunday morning he greeted me with a big smile.

He was always so sweet to the other kids.

He always reached out to others.

And he never - ever gave up.

Even though he had every reason to.

Even though we would probably tell him it was okay for him to.

But Charlie didn't care.

Charlie never gave up on life...

Charlie was never too scared.

I don't understand how as believers we walk around without joy.

I don't know how we treat others - especially our brothers and sisters in Christ - so badly.

I don't know how it is that we so rarely reach out of our comfort zone and toward others.

I don't understand how we give up so easily even though we have absolutely NO reason to...

I don't understand what we're so scared of...

I feel the fear too sometimes...

Sometimes I'm so scared that I will fail, that nobody will like me, that I won't be good enough, that I will let someone down... or more importantly that I will let God down, that the fear nearly strangles the life out of me...

... It nearly paralyzes me sometimes...

But even still, I don't understand where it comes from.

And I don't know why it is that we don't reach farther, try harder, and dream bigger than anyone else... We already know the end of our fairy tale. We already know what Christ has promised us. We already know where we belond, who we are, and to Whom we belong...

So why don't we act like we know?!

Why do we act like we don't have an abundant life promised to us... Why do we act like we have something to fear when we're told that we're called to Fear the Lord our God and that's it...

Why do we act like we will have one million tomorrows, when we are told to live for today... for this moment... for this second... for this breath?

Why don't we all live a little more like Charlie...?

Charlie was and continues to be considered 'rejected' by the World, and so was our Savior... He continued to fight even when people told him no... Just like Our Beloved... He didn't fear anything... Just like our Abba... and he triumphed... Just like our Father.

Why don't we all live a little more like Charlie, and a lot more like Christ.

... that day Charlie reminded me that there is nothing I can do if I'm too scared to try... nothing I can become if I'm not willing to work... nothing I can overcome if I'm trying on my own strength and not on His.

Dear God

Our church group is about to begin a month-long study called "Dear God". It's an opportunity to write out all those questions you want to ask God, send them in to our pastor and then go through them and see what Scripture says about them.

The other day our pastor and I were talking about the series, and I began thinking about what would I ask God if I could ask Him anything right now...

It feels as though if you have an opportunity to ask God a question, it should be a question worthy of Him, if such a thing exists...

I can think of tons of questions about eschatology, about life, about Scripture, or about life and why I can seem to remember nearly every conversation I've had with every person I've ever met, but can't remember where I parked my car, or how to get around the town I've lived in my entire life... but those just didn't seem to be fitting of His time.

Then tonight... I sat and let my mind wander.

Flipping through Scripture. Letting my eyes wander across the page...

I landed here:
"Teach me your way , O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O LORD my God, with all my heart..." Psalm 86:11

And I realized what I would ask.

Why me?

Why?

We know that ALL good things come only through You, and You chose me. You opened my heart, opened my eyes, formed me lovingly... all knowing I would fail.

You chose me to know You. You chose me. You still choose to choose me.

I don't know that I would choose me.

I hate that I know I dissapoint You...

I hate that I want to do things that I know are wrong.

I hate that I am so divided.

I hate that I want so much of this world when I know it's all temporary...

Give me a pure heart Lord, I pray!

So why me? Why do you look at me and smile? Why do you love me so much that you would send your ONLY son to die for MY sins. For my selfishiness, for my vanity, for my pride, for all the sins I am and will commit. For all the sins I will commit AFTER having read how You feel about them. Why...

It blows my mind you love me... It blows my mind you choose me. So my question would be, why?

Why did you choose me? Why do you still choose me? Why do you allow me to serve You when You know better than I do that You don't need me...

You know I love You, Abba... that I am nothing with You. You know that I try so hard to serve You in the way You deserve, but fall painfully, horrificly short... You know I can never do enough or be enough for You, and yet despite all my shortcomings you still love me more than I can even understand... You still care enough to form my fingers, my ears, my eyes... to make just one thing different about me, knowing I would hate it while growing up, but also knowing full well what my Mom would tell me about it to make me feel so loved by not just her, but more importantly by You... to know the number of hairs on my head at any given moments in time... to provide for me... even to bless me so greatly... You made me uniquely different from every other person on this planet. You gave me eyes to see, and hands to serve. And I didn't do a single thing to deserve any of it.

Why do You love me so much? Why do Why do you forgive me so much? Why do you give us sunsets, the ocean, sweet moments of fellowship, family, friends, and daffodills?

Why?

Why did you make us knowing we would dissapoint You?

Why do you never give up on me?

Why?

I'd say thank you, but it's never enough... And I praise You Father, but even that I can't do in a mannar worthy of You! Your Grace, Your Power and Your Love are all beyond anything I can possibly ever understand in my humanity...

I love you, but sometimes I still can't help but to wonder why you love me back...

Sometimes I still wonder why you still choose me.

Sometimes I wonder...

Why me, Abba?

While the cat's away...

Game On. :)

Use His Moods...

A few days ago...

I got online to check my e-mail and an article caught my eye: Use his moods to get what you want.

Seriously. That's what it said.

I had to read it a few times, because I REALLY wanted to not believe that I was reading what I was reading.

I ended up having to close out and walk away for a few minutes.

It just breaks my heart to think about it... to think people are going to read that... to think that it made the front page...

... to think people are going to follow it!

It's just so manipulate.

And scheming.

And deceptive.

And lying.

And conniving...

BUT I guess it's a little bit like that serpant in the garden...

I guess it's been a little bit like this from the beginning...

I guess not so much has changed since then.

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made." Genesis 3:1

The scary thing is... even though I know - God's Word tells me over and over that Satan is alive and real... that he is incredibly deceptive, crafty, and smart. Even though I know that - sometimes I start to forget it. Sometimes part of me just begins to forget that he is wanting to attack me; that he's just itching to distract me from Christ. That he's dying, thirsting for my blood... for my heart.

I pray constantly that I won't forget, AND YET... even still sometimes I forget.

I didn't read that article. Part of me wanted to, but I decided I didn't want - or need - to know anything past the title.

The title was plenty.

It makes me wonder why I am so surprised when I hear of another broken marriage. Why I wonder why people - even believers - struggle so much with loving one another in a Biblical way.

AND yet...

as believers, we're told exactly how we're supposed to treat each other.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

I think that rules out "Using His Moods to Get What You Want". Sorry girls.

We're supposed to treat each other as brother and sisters.

I think that means we treat each other with love, respect, and a pure motive and heart. I think that means we should seek God together. We should serve Him together. We should fellowship together. But I don't think that ever means we manipulate each other. I think that means we don't play games, we don't 'test the waters', and we definitely don't use each other.

I wish so much that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with every single person who read that article and took it to heart. I wish I could take that writer our for a few cups of coffee. Because I just think that anyone who has practiced using someone must have a heart so broken... It must be shattered. I don't care what they say... I just get the sense that they must have been hurt badly. I want to give them a hug and tell them I know... I've had my heart hurt so badly and so deeply that I spent hours on my knees praying that I wouldn't become cold hearted... I wanted desparately to not be hurt anymore, I didn't want to let anyone in. I thought if I didn't let anyone in close then they couldn't hurt me. But I know now that that kind of life isn't what we're called to. I pray that if I get hurt, God uses it. But I desparately pray I won't become cold hearted...

And I think people who use someone like that don't know real love. I guess they couldn't since they don't know Christ. Since they don't know true love in it's purest, most wonderful form... They obviously don't know it in its selfless, pure, giving form...

That is so sad. That seems so cold.

It seems plastic and stagnant.

It seems so horrible...

I pray we'll know how to love each other like brothers and sisters... that we'll seek out Christ first...

Because he offers as an abundant life... a wonderful, beautiful life. A life above circumstances...

If only we'll just listen. If only we'll just figure out how to make it work, because I know it can. If only we'll just work to be more like Christ and less like the world...

... if only...

God's Grace

It struck me again today how great God is!!! His Grace is just so beyond what I can even comprehend...

He shelters us in the midst of our storms.

He provides when we are in need.

And not just in a theoretical way...
Today, I woke up dragging. I was exhausted, feeling sick, and absolutely not wanting to go to work.

If I were God I would want to send me an attitude change ASAP, because I was being completely ungrateful and whiny.

But, that's not how our God works.

Instead He reminded me of His Grace by having a sweet email from a new friend in my inbox to greet me this morning...

then a great conversation with my boss.

then an introduction where my boss told me she was grateful for me.

then an opportunity for a sweet time of fellowship with a prayer warrior.

And just now, a reminder that He provides our every breath, and knows the exact number of our days on earth.

It always takes my breath away that the God of the Universe cares about me so much that instead of breaking and discipling me when I'm weak - even though I fully deserve it, he lifts me up, and heals me...

I can't even put into words how great that is to know...

"I will praise God's name in song and glorify Him with thanksgiving" ~ Psalm 69:30