Living a Cross-Centered Life

Today I feel like writing a different kind of post than I have in the past...

Monday, I went to coffee with a friend and had such a great time! We talked about a ton of things, but one thing was something I had recently been a little concerned about. It was funny because I had been thinking about it, but wasn't going to talk to anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal, but it just happened to come up in conversation and it turns out she had 'been there done that' and allevited EVERYTHING I had been concerned about! The funny thing is, I hadn't realized I had been concerned about it as much as I had been until the concern was gone and the weight was lifted from me. Only then was it that I realized how much it had been affecting me.

On my way home I was praying over the night and for forgiveness for being WORRIED about the things I was when I know that's sinful and I shouldn't be, and it dawned on me (God revealed?!) how recently I have been both overanalyzing life and taking myself way too seriously! It's not as though I haven't been myself; it's just that the past two weeks or so I guess I have been a more subdued or cautious version of myself... and I have definitely been spending more time than I should thinking about what I said or didn't say, or how I should say certain things, and if I made things look just the right way, or even if I looked just right... I was just worrying about the most unimportant, superficial things in the world, but in that moment they would become some of the most important things in the world to me. Sinful I know!

And because of it, instead of just really enjoying the moment I am in; I had been constantly thinking about the next moment and about how to keep it here.

Instead of just staying completely focused on Christ and remembering that He is in control of everything so I don't need to worry about anything, I had slowly been taking bits and pieces of things and trying to take them on on my own. As if that's something I could even handle!

So this week, I have put myself back into His hands entirely and it has been so wonderful. It's the best place in the world to be. I have been feeling so blessed lately, but now the blessing is richer and fuller because I'm not clinging to the edges of something that isn't mine to cling to!

The joy you can find in Christ is truly unlike any other! "For the joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10

Tying into this, a few weeks ago, Jason loaned me C.J. Mahaney's, Cross-Centered Life. I wound up sitting and reading the entire thing cover-to-cover in the British Library while I had a few hours to kill while waiting for Katie to come back from Cambridge.

It was definitely a 'God-thing' that I had that book with me, because honestly I was in a pretty awful mood when I finally made it to the library. I was just so overwhelmed, tired, hungry and emotional... and I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going! I was all for the adventure until my cabbie dropped me off and I went by TWO coffee/ tea houses, only to find out they were all so full there wasn't even a single seat open anywhere! It definitely threw my plans off to say the least!

Anyways, once I settled in at the library, I wrote down a few quotes from the book, and one of them has really been coming back to me over and over since I read it.

Mahaney writes: "In the last week, what was your primary preoccupation in life? What was your spiritual focus? Was it on that spot where God most reveals His personal love for you - the cross? Or was it on your own circumstances, your own condition, your own concerns? Was your preoccupation with your personal pursuit of godliness? Growth in godliness must be pursued, but never apart from joyful gratitude for the cross." ~ page 106

I think Mahaney said a lot of dead on things in that book, but this quote is in particularly true. Our preoccuption needs to be with our personal pursuit of godliness. We need to have a Cross-centered life.

It's the best place you can be! I have challenged myself this week to really focus on making sure that my life is centered on the Cross, and entirely on the Lord like it is supposed to be. And second to that, I'm challenging myself to live in the moment, to shake off all the remnant of worry and concern I've been clinging to that isn't mine to carry... and to hand all of that off to the Lord... I'm excited to take on each day with this refreshed perspective!

The Lord has been faithful and gracious in more and better ways than I ever could have asked for, so I can't wait to see what He brings about next and to strive to go further and deeper with Him over the next few weeks!

Choices and change...

A few days ago I sat at the piano, and lay my fingers lightly on the familiar keys.

How long has it been since I sat here?

I love to play. But a long time ago I decided it wasn't something I did for other people... it wasn't something I wanted to do for everyone. And now it's not something I usually do with a purpose in mind. It's something I do alone. When the house is empty and the music alone can fill the quiet air...

It's then that I sing along with the simple melodies I play...

It's then I release my fear, my pain, my tears, my insecurities, my praise, my hope, and my dreams.

When it's just me and the Lord.

I love to sing Psalms, to pray the words out loud...

This time, I sat and look at my fingers laying on the keys for a few moments, because for the first time in a while I wasn't sure I knew where to begin.

My fingers touch the keys lightly at first, clumsy.

But as the time went by the more comfortable it felt. The more familiar...

... the more familiar and comfortable I felt, the more I opened up... I became more excited, more passionate, more alive.

Change has been surrounding me the past few months. But it's not so uncomfortable and scary anymore.

Sometimes I'm still... unsure of where I stand, of what I'm doing, or even if I'm enough... Why is it we want to be affirmed so constantly when we are feeling unsure?

As though we should feel unsure to begin with. Christ is all we need. He is our All in All. He is the Alpha and Omega, and our Beginning and End.

No matter what, our hope lies in Him, "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

I'm so grateful that we serve a Lord who chooses to love us like He does. I think love is a choice and though it may be controversial to say - I think it is as much a constant, conscious choice as it is an active feeling. And though I suppose it could be argued that it would be against His character to not love us, I do think the Lord has chosen to redeem us, to save us from what we deserve... He could have left us in Eden and with our consequences for what we chose... but instead chose to send His only son to save us, because He loves us - because "He so loved the world" (John 3:16).

And because of that, because of Him, I can stand firm with hope.

And my music becomes more sure, and I can play with confidence - even for a million people - because I know He is all I need.

Two months...

I'm going to just assume you are going to grow tired of reading my excuses for not updating as I type them, so I'm going to just dive right on in as if nothing ever happened and hope that's okay!

I can hardly believe that today is March 1.

Where did the past two months go?!

I'm not even sure how I would or even could wrap up the past two months of my life anyways... so much has happened! Maybe one day I can go back and cover it, but in the meantime...

Lately... I haven't been able to capture my thoughts into words very easily. It's unusual for me.

I'm stumbling over my thoughts, my words...

Although lately time has been flying by so quickly; for now time is moving slowly, and my thoughts come more easily. And even if it is just for this moment I am grateful.

I think that most of us don't look enough for moments to be grateful. Don't thank the Lord enough for what He has done in our life and for the things He continues to do.

This morning I had a great conversation with a lady I work with. We talked about how great it is to be in a place in life where you just trust God will take care of everything. When you KNOW without a doubt that He is in the good (we know all good things come from Him), in the "bad", in the confusing, the unknown and the known. He's in everything. You can be content that even when things don't look like they are going our way it doesn't matter, because God has a plan bigger than our perspective. Bigger than us.

I don't ever want to be without that trust in Him. I don't want to be in a place where I'm not putting Him first, where I lose focus of what and who Christ is in my life. I don't want to EVER put anything or anyone above Him.

And the Lord has been teaching me so much lately which has been making my trust in Him and His plans grow even more...

One of the things I have been learning more and more lately is about what it means to really savor a moment.

I think so much that sometimes it is hard for me to just sit and be still... To just be still and know He is God. To know that the moment I'm in is from Him, and He is in control in all things even when I'm not. Sometimes it is difficult for me to just sit back and enjoy where I am at.

Lately, I have had so much to be thankful for. I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with so many moments that are better than what I could have ever imagined...

Today I am thankful... for spring around the corner, for a sweet, healthy, beautiful niece, a wonderful family, work that lately challenges me more often than not, for new friendships and old, for moments that both excite and scare me, for learning to go deeper still with Christ, and most of all for a God who covers the gaps.

I'm thankful for every moment - good or bad that is still to come.

And for moments where He continues to remind me to just be still and know that He is God.