Living Simplicity

Today I hit a bump in the road again...

I'm fighting the urge to take on too much again. To feel like I need to keep up with everyone and everything that is going around me.

I'm super busy at work and super busy outside of work it seems.

There is always something to do, something that frantically needs done, someone to call, someone to email, five events to plan.

It's hard, REALLY hard to find time to just-be-still.

Feeling like everything and everyone rides on me. Sinful I know because nothing can be done in my power... really it's all on Him. And that's where it should be.

I don't know why I get caught up in idolatry and thinking that "I" should take it all on on my own.

I'm not going there though. Not today. Not anymore. I've been there before... Last summer I was there. I fell.

I learned. And today. I pray. I repent. I take a breath and let the guilt, the pressure, the anticipation, the stress fall away.

I cling to my God. My Savior. The One who holds it all and who appoints it all.

He is, He was, He is always to be.

And instead, I think...

I need to fight for that place where I say no to doing everything all the time. To fight to keep the boundaries up that my soul craves. Fight for the place where my soul...

can.

finally.

breathe.

Today...

Go outside. Turn the TV off. Get some real rest with a little Vitamin D on top.

Say no to nonstop going. Put your 'to-do' list away for the day.

Unnattach your iphone from your hand.

Take a REAL Sabbath, a real day of rest each week.

Enjoy real friendships. You know, the ones where there are no cell phones, just laughter and REAL conversation over a cup of coffee.. Remember those?

Find a good friend who you trust and share the DEEP things that are going in your life.

Soak in life.

Soak in a beautiful sunset, a sweet word, a sweet moment.

Savor each hug, each kiss, each touch.

Savor life... don't rush past it.

Trust God.

Follow Him.

Make time to spend alone with Him.

And find the quiet...

Fight for the quiet.

Address and deal with your pain instead of running from it.

Filling your life with stuff doesn't make the pain go away. It doesn't make the hard stuff disappear.

That stuff doesn't just go away. So instead of running... instead of filling every portion of your life with stuff... Instead... get in the Word, pray hard, consult godly counsel if needed and FACE it. Deal with it.

So that you can finally move forward.

Finally quiet the hurt.

And then...

Dream big. Fall hard.

Love big.

Don't you see...?

Strip away the noise. Strip away the busy. Strip away everything that doesn't really matter.

And what you have left is what matters.

Run away from all of the junk that clutters your life.

Run away to Him.

Fight for the simplicity.

And realize that the quiet, rest, peace aren't something we can find.

Rather they are gifts that He gives.

Fight for it.

Press into Him

Tonight my thoughts come in pieces...

Tonight I'm thinking about FAITH.

Without Faith it is impossible to please Him.

Oh me of little faith...

Have you ever thought about how people always say they take a leap of faith. As if it takes faith to do something they fear?

I wonder...

How often do I resist doing anything outside of my comfort zone because I am afraid.

How often do we choose to stay where we're at IN SPITE of knowing it's not where we're meant to be because we're not really willing to move because we're scared.

How often do I decide that maybe I'll stick with this ministry because I know I'm good at it?

Have you ever stopped to think about how life is full of things we fear?

Hebrews 11:6 says without faith it is impossible to please Him.

IMPOSSIBLE.

And yet... still we sit instead of standing... then we stand instead of running.

we're afraid of falling.

... but so what if we do? If you are one of God's children it doesn't matter. He will pick you up, show you His way... All it matters is that you are following Him completely.

Have you ever thought about how maybe faith means facing the things we are most terrified of??

That it means stepping out of our comfort zone, stepping out of what we know, letting our plans for our future fall to the wayside so that we can step forward in faith to follow where the Lord is leading.

We need to live in a place where we are willing to take a step... a leap of faith.

It's terrifying.

And yet. Faith pleases God.

I drive...

I stare out the window, blink back tears.

At a stop light I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and refocus.

I know...
-it's scary navigating relationships... what if they don't like me, what if they get to know me and change their mind, what if he decides he doesn't want me anymore, what if they realize how imperfect, how flawed, how sinful I am and decide they don't want me anymore... and what if I fail them? If I let them down?
-it's scary putting your thoughts into words for all the world to see... there is something permanent feeling about hitting 'publish'. Something about being vulnerable -even in the tiniest bit - in this way. About letting someone else read what is so close to your heart... navigating the tumble of words that spill out of my heart and onto the paper... Not to mention there is a heavy responsibility in all of our words... more on that to come.

AND yet...
we have a choice.

I have a choice - despite the fact I sometimes close myself off to the options.

When the fear comes we have a choice.

I've been watching LOST lately...

And I kept thinking as I watched that black cloud monster that chases everyone down...

Funny how people chose to react in two ways: most ran, but one stared it down. Looked it in the eye and it ran.

The show depicts him as a man of faith.

We can run or we can stand firm.

We can stand strong in our faith.

We can live through that terrifying space that gaps our comfort and truly living...

Press hard and push through...

And later... as I sit and wonder.

I realize that it begins now. It begins today. It begins by choosing to say YES to the Lord no matter what... in the big and the small...

Acting in faith in all things.

Not just the things that I think fit.

In all things...

Press through the fear, press hard into him, and begin to truly live.

How long have I wasted time He has blessed me with by being too afraid to truly live in faith?

It is in faith that I can please Him.

So today... right now I begin to move forward. To step in to that terrifying space... To live in it. To step out in faith and reach hard, push hard, breath deep.

And press into Him.

Feeling the blessing...

Tonight...

I'm feeling my blessings.

Honestly, most of today I was painfully self-aware of my shortcomings. I messed up a few little things and then beat myself up most of the day for them. I regret it, because I could have turned it around, but instead I just let them hang over me... I let perfectionism reign.

Some days I let my insecurity reach in, take hold of me and take over.

I let my emotion and every insecurity I choose to let in become my King.
They are NOT my King.

And I will not let them rule over me.

I am painfully flawed to the core. Lost without my Savior.

But I HAVE BEEN REDEEMED.
And tonight one text message struck me to the core...
It was simple, short, and life giving.
Words meant just for me... Words that encouraged and touched me so deeply that they sent tears tracing their way down my face.

And I'm forever grateful to the sender of the message, because though this was in no way their intention with the message in less than ten words they are who reminded me...

That today I let those things come in. I let them take hold of me. And I let myself become saturated in them.

But no more...
I am not the product of my shortcomings... Rather I belong to my Savior, and my identity is in Him.

And tomorrow is a new day.
The Lord gives us a new morning every day...

And tomorrow is Monday and I'm thankful for a new day, a new week...

Tomorrow is time enough for a fresh perspective, a fresh outlook, and a fresh beginning...

Time enough for a new start, new day, and new time.

It's time enough for a new beginning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tonight I'm thankful for...
-sweet words of encouragement
-a godly boyfriend who goes out of his way to make soup for me when I'm sick, help drag furniture across the city, is always there when I need him, and is always willing to go do nearly anything with me... or just sit and do nothing with me... he's brought so much to my life and I'm so thankful for him.
-a great church that cares more about being Christ-centered than anything
-friends and family...
-an amazing LifeGroup
-a place to serve
-fresh beginning and fresh starts...
More to come...

Mrs. Patty

Even on the worst of days Mrs. Patty could make things better.

Running late, feeling tense, she never failed to bring peace.

She has the best sense of humor, the prettiest smile and the grace of a woman who has truly lived.

She is wise with Grace.

And her sweet words touch me always.

Even now...

As I hugged her tight today and whispered I'm sorry for the loss of her husband, tears threatened to brim over...

I never knew him, but just knowing her is enough to make my heart ache for her...

She holds me tight and pulls me back so that we're eye to eye and says "you know you are so special to me."

It touched me to the very core of my soul.

I was there to serve her and yet I walked away feeling like I'm the one who was served.

In that second when she said what she did it struck me and it's if everything stood still for a minute...

God loves us.

God loves me.

I know this is true, but sometimes I let my heart neglect to feel that truth.

... there's a difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. Heart knowledge MUST come from and root from the head knowledge, but there's something about those moments when both your head AND your heart know the truth.

He loves us.

He loves me.

That's all I need.

It's as though the Lord surprised me with a small gift today just to remind me that He loves me.

Don't you love it when that happens? The Lord isn't required to give us tangible reminders of His love, but like any silly girl I'm touched in every way when it happens. Just like when any flawed, sinful human gives flowers, a handwritten note, a gift, compliments... reminders that they were thinking of you. Reminders that they love you. They desire to do that for you for no reason besides that.


It speaks volumes because well, sometimes in grind of the day to day we start to forget and we start to wonder.


But God... God doesn't need to do that.


He could dictate everything without an ounce of love toward us and He would still stand as the One true living God. He doesn't NEED to remind us of His love, because His Word says it's true... That makes it all the more amazing that He cares enough to remind us because we all know it's not about us...


Really it's about me and about us glorifying Him and representing Him WELL in everything.


That's what she did.


That's what she lives.



Mrs. Patty knows WHO she represents. She knows the Lord loves her... And it's evident in everything she does. Everything she says. And everyone around her knows it.



She represents that kind of beauty and grace to me.



She's the type of woman I aspire to be.



Thank you Mrs. Patty...

Prayer

Today I was thinking...

How often do I neglect to just be still before the Lord.

How often do I choose to not spend time in prayer with Him?

Some days my world is rocked with the noise and thunder of chaos quickly followed by the lightening of the busy.

I choose to let it rain on my day.

God has blessed me much more than I deserve by not taking away my perspective and by not letting me lose sight of Him, but far too often I carry things that aren't mine to carry...

The rain should be cleansing, not building residue on my soul.

But most often the storm weighs because I neglect to spend time alone with Him.

I neglect to spend intentional quiet time focused on Him, in conversation with Him, in praise of Him.

I may say a million little prayers throughout the day, but somehow it's just different than when at the beginning of my day I begin with praise. When I begin it with just sitting with Him over a bowl of cereal. Just me and Him for a little while.

It changes everything.

This week - by no strength of my own - I've been intentional about getting time with Him alone - time in addition to time in the Word, in addition to Bible study, in addition to worship. Just time sitting alone in prayer with the Lord.

It's been amazing. And I've been so grateful for it.

Father I pray you keep me in this place that You've brought me to where I intentionally spend time with you...

Pray for me and that I'll stay in this place...

And I'll be praying that you are too...

Psalm 62:1
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

Transition

Sometimes things don't feel permament.

Do you know that feeling?

When everything and everyone important in your life just doesn't feel solid. It feels like it could all slip out of your fingertips and come crashing to the floor in a second?

I hate it.

I love possibilities, ideas, and opportunities... but at the same time even though it doesn't make sense just the very thought of change makes my stomach churn and my mind prone to wander...

When I find something I like and am comfortable with part of me just wants to cling to the familiar. I don't want to trade in the old tattered blanket for the new. I want to keep my old faded blue jeans. I want to things to stay.

I guess like the feeling of the known.

I like feeling known.

I like knowing where I stand, where I'm going and where I am.

Transitional just isn't fun for me... It's a struggle.

But my God... my God is bigger than the transition.

He's bigger than the feeling of not knowing where or when or how or why.

He tells me to follow Him... and maybe not by sight this time.

Just like Abram... The Lord didn't tell him where to go, how to go... He wasn't specific. He said leave and Abram left.

That's where I need to be.

And that's where I want to be.

I know I'm safe in His arms. My Father who loves me, holds me... I'm constantly in the arms of the One who knows me and loves me far more than anyone else on this earth possibly could; and He holds time in His hands...

And that's why I can sleep in peace. That's what calms my heart and sooths my mind.

Because I'm not alone in the transition. Rather the transition is held by the same One who holds me in His hand.

Behind the eyes

Behind the big brown eyes...

Behind the desk...

Behind the counter at Starbucks...

And behind the checkout line at Albertons.

Behind the car going ridiculously slow on the freeway when you are in a rush...

Behind the mean exterior...

There is a person.

Just like me, and just like you.

Sometimes I forget.

I forget the people...

I hate that I forget that sometimes...

Jesus never forget the people. He doesn't forget me, and He doesn't forget you.

He remembers us always. He cherishes us always. He loves us always.

He sees behind our eyes, into our hearts that betray Him daily, and still...

He remembers us as His children... as being HIS.

Lord, help me to remember that my hope that comes only from You can be shown to them because of Your love, Your truth and Your mercy...

You'll use me if I just get out of the way...

Help me to remember...

tonight...

Tonight, I stood at my front door looking out, my fingertips barely touching the glass as I watched the car drive away.

My thoughts wandered...

Lately God has been teaching me so much.

Stretching me further than I thought I could go, taking me places I never thought He would take me, and pulling me closer to Him.

This has been an amazing year and I'm so thankful for every second of it. For all of the good, all of the bad.. for all of the things I've struggled through, and for all of the things I've rejoyced in.

I'm grateful... the Lord has used every second of it - every moment - to draw me closer to Him and to show me a part of Him I've never seen before.

It's just as He's promised.

I'm so grateful...

As I stood preparing for a new morning to wake me tomorrow, I thought about...

At this time: I've learned that I take on too much. And I definitely took on too much this summer. I didn't prayerfully consider what the Lord wanted me to take on, until I reached the point where I just couldn't give one hundred percent any more. I constantly demanded perfection of myself, and then struggled to understand my frustration I so consistently felt when I continually failed to be all that I was demanding. Then the Lord drew me to a place where I saw my flaws so clearly, fell on my knees, and then the Lord took my hand and showed me His way, His calendar, His priorities. I also learned through this that I have an amazing boyfriend that not only put up with me while I walked through this lesson, but has unknowingly encouraged me countless times while I learned it...

A confession: I want to savor every moment, but I'm afraid that sometimes my desire to fast forward life just a little so that I can know what the 'next step' for me is stops me from doing that. I pray I can savor and cherish this time in my life without wondering what is next...

My life: To seek after God whole-heartedly, to love Him more, to seek His face in everything. In every moment, every second, every breath... I want to know Him better, I want to know Him more intimately, I want to be a woman that makes Him proud. I want to stand before Him one day and hear Him say "well done". I want to Glorify Him in life and death and forevermore.

A thought: It's funny how my life is nothing like I pictured it would be, but God has made it so much sweeter, so much richer, and so much fuller. My life is far from being perfect, BUT it's been an amazing thing to see how He has used it for His glory and in countless ways that I never would have thought or even could have imagined...

A conclusion: I know the Lord has me firmly in the grip of His hand. He holds me so tightly that He'll never let me go. I love Him more than anything, more than anyone... And His name is written in me... lest I ever forget.

This I know

Tonight I feel displaced.

And it's aggravating.

I just don't know...
I just don't.

Sitting here in this peaceful house alone I take a deep breath.

Lately I feel like I come up short constantly.

I can't be fast enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, skilled enough, trained enough...

I just can't be enough.

And yet as I breath in and pause.

I know that at all times

at all times

at all times

I can choose to say "I trust you Lord" and give it all up to Him. I can CHOOSE to say it... AND to believe it.

At all times He is trustworty.

At all times He is Truth.

At all times He is Sovereign.

I know this it truth. I know that He's truth. I know that He has a plan. And I know that without Him I am nothing, but for some reason He uses me. He CHOOSES to use me and is pleased to do so. And just me is more than enough for Him. Flawed, sinful, scared, people pleaser me. For some reason He chose to give up His life because He thinks I'm enough.

Amazing.

These are things I DO know.

So in the meantime... while I sit here and wonder. While I sit and pray. While I sit alone with Him. I do know some wonderful, amazing things...

And I know He will guide me to a place to where I DO KNOW the answers to the silent questions tonight I quietly sit with alone. In His timing, He will answer the silent questions of my heart, and fill my soul with His Presence...

These are the days...

The other day Jason and I were figuring out how many kids I've taught swimming lessons.

Here's what I figure...
-I taught all morning sessions when I was 17, 18 and 19. Then when I was 20 I taugh full-time so morning, evening and private lessons when I was 20, 21 and 22. When I was 23, 24, and now - 25 I've taught private lessons just as a side job.

- So the summers I was 17-19 - I had about 32 kids a session not including private lessons. 32 kids times four sessions is 128 kids a summer. 128 times 3 summers is 384 kids taught again not including private lessons.

- Then the summers I was 20-22 I taught seven classes a day. Seven times 8 is 72 kids a session, times four sessions... I taught roughly 288 kids a summer. 288 times three summers is 864 kids taught, not including private lessons.

- So in just group lessons I have taught roughly 1,152 kids in swimming lessons.

And right now, for the first time ever, I have a child who I simply think I cannot teach a thing.

I don't think there is such thing as an 'unteachable' child. I've taught kids with autism, kids with disabilities, kids with insane fears of water... but this one is different.

This one has every ability to learn - he is smart, he is physically able, he is a fast learner - when he wants to learn, but he is also absolutely the most stubborn child I have ever met in my life.

He just doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to learn.

And because of that my capability to do anything with him is limited to teaching him very very little.

It's the most frustrating thing in the world to want to equip this child with something that will help him, that he would probably have so much fun with, and that he would probably excel in, but he just refuses to do so.

This morning while I was doing my Bible study I began thinking about how a lot of times a lot of us are just like this little boy I'm trying to teach... God has a world of things He'll do through us, that He will allow us to be a part of, but we just refuse to let Him. We want what we want when we want to. We get focused on what WE WANT, or what we think we should do and we leave Him out of the picture. We miss out on so much because we dig in our heals and simply refuse to get out of our ourselves. We sit on the corner of the pool refusing to put our toe in four feet of water because we don't want to. Or we don't trust Him to teach us, or we don't want to start in the four foot - we want to be in the twenty foot, or we just want to remain in three feet of water because we can stand there - we're comfortable there.

Whatever our reasons are we get in a position of refusing to let Him teach us, refusing to let Him guide us, refusing to simply trust Him, put down our nets and follow Him.

And because the Lord we serve allows our free will He doesn't force us to swim in the four foot, and because of that we absolutely limit what He will use us for. We miss out on a whole lot becuase we wind up chilling out in the three feet of comfort we've limited ourselves to, or end up squirming on the side of the four foot because we refuse to let Him take us in there. We'll follow Him to side, but won't get in.

Today, I know I want to become more teachable. I want to be willing to get out of myself and follow Him to wherever He wants. I want to be set-apart for Him - not set-apart because I refuse to trust Him and move forward...

I pray God will always keep me in a place where I'm teachable, where even if I'm scared I'm moving toward Him... whatever it takes I pray that I will stay in a place where I'm constantly moving further and deeper with Him...

Living a Cross-Centered Life

Today I feel like writing a different kind of post than I have in the past...

Monday, I went to coffee with a friend and had such a great time! We talked about a ton of things, but one thing was something I had recently been a little concerned about. It was funny because I had been thinking about it, but wasn't going to talk to anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal, but it just happened to come up in conversation and it turns out she had 'been there done that' and allevited EVERYTHING I had been concerned about! The funny thing is, I hadn't realized I had been concerned about it as much as I had been until the concern was gone and the weight was lifted from me. Only then was it that I realized how much it had been affecting me.

On my way home I was praying over the night and for forgiveness for being WORRIED about the things I was when I know that's sinful and I shouldn't be, and it dawned on me (God revealed?!) how recently I have been both overanalyzing life and taking myself way too seriously! It's not as though I haven't been myself; it's just that the past two weeks or so I guess I have been a more subdued or cautious version of myself... and I have definitely been spending more time than I should thinking about what I said or didn't say, or how I should say certain things, and if I made things look just the right way, or even if I looked just right... I was just worrying about the most unimportant, superficial things in the world, but in that moment they would become some of the most important things in the world to me. Sinful I know!

And because of it, instead of just really enjoying the moment I am in; I had been constantly thinking about the next moment and about how to keep it here.

Instead of just staying completely focused on Christ and remembering that He is in control of everything so I don't need to worry about anything, I had slowly been taking bits and pieces of things and trying to take them on on my own. As if that's something I could even handle!

So this week, I have put myself back into His hands entirely and it has been so wonderful. It's the best place in the world to be. I have been feeling so blessed lately, but now the blessing is richer and fuller because I'm not clinging to the edges of something that isn't mine to cling to!

The joy you can find in Christ is truly unlike any other! "For the joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10

Tying into this, a few weeks ago, Jason loaned me C.J. Mahaney's, Cross-Centered Life. I wound up sitting and reading the entire thing cover-to-cover in the British Library while I had a few hours to kill while waiting for Katie to come back from Cambridge.

It was definitely a 'God-thing' that I had that book with me, because honestly I was in a pretty awful mood when I finally made it to the library. I was just so overwhelmed, tired, hungry and emotional... and I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going! I was all for the adventure until my cabbie dropped me off and I went by TWO coffee/ tea houses, only to find out they were all so full there wasn't even a single seat open anywhere! It definitely threw my plans off to say the least!

Anyways, once I settled in at the library, I wrote down a few quotes from the book, and one of them has really been coming back to me over and over since I read it.

Mahaney writes: "In the last week, what was your primary preoccupation in life? What was your spiritual focus? Was it on that spot where God most reveals His personal love for you - the cross? Or was it on your own circumstances, your own condition, your own concerns? Was your preoccupation with your personal pursuit of godliness? Growth in godliness must be pursued, but never apart from joyful gratitude for the cross." ~ page 106

I think Mahaney said a lot of dead on things in that book, but this quote is in particularly true. Our preoccuption needs to be with our personal pursuit of godliness. We need to have a Cross-centered life.

It's the best place you can be! I have challenged myself this week to really focus on making sure that my life is centered on the Cross, and entirely on the Lord like it is supposed to be. And second to that, I'm challenging myself to live in the moment, to shake off all the remnant of worry and concern I've been clinging to that isn't mine to carry... and to hand all of that off to the Lord... I'm excited to take on each day with this refreshed perspective!

The Lord has been faithful and gracious in more and better ways than I ever could have asked for, so I can't wait to see what He brings about next and to strive to go further and deeper with Him over the next few weeks!

Choices and change...

A few days ago I sat at the piano, and lay my fingers lightly on the familiar keys.

How long has it been since I sat here?

I love to play. But a long time ago I decided it wasn't something I did for other people... it wasn't something I wanted to do for everyone. And now it's not something I usually do with a purpose in mind. It's something I do alone. When the house is empty and the music alone can fill the quiet air...

It's then that I sing along with the simple melodies I play...

It's then I release my fear, my pain, my tears, my insecurities, my praise, my hope, and my dreams.

When it's just me and the Lord.

I love to sing Psalms, to pray the words out loud...

This time, I sat and look at my fingers laying on the keys for a few moments, because for the first time in a while I wasn't sure I knew where to begin.

My fingers touch the keys lightly at first, clumsy.

But as the time went by the more comfortable it felt. The more familiar...

... the more familiar and comfortable I felt, the more I opened up... I became more excited, more passionate, more alive.

Change has been surrounding me the past few months. But it's not so uncomfortable and scary anymore.

Sometimes I'm still... unsure of where I stand, of what I'm doing, or even if I'm enough... Why is it we want to be affirmed so constantly when we are feeling unsure?

As though we should feel unsure to begin with. Christ is all we need. He is our All in All. He is the Alpha and Omega, and our Beginning and End.

No matter what, our hope lies in Him, "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

I'm so grateful that we serve a Lord who chooses to love us like He does. I think love is a choice and though it may be controversial to say - I think it is as much a constant, conscious choice as it is an active feeling. And though I suppose it could be argued that it would be against His character to not love us, I do think the Lord has chosen to redeem us, to save us from what we deserve... He could have left us in Eden and with our consequences for what we chose... but instead chose to send His only son to save us, because He loves us - because "He so loved the world" (John 3:16).

And because of that, because of Him, I can stand firm with hope.

And my music becomes more sure, and I can play with confidence - even for a million people - because I know He is all I need.

Two months...

I'm going to just assume you are going to grow tired of reading my excuses for not updating as I type them, so I'm going to just dive right on in as if nothing ever happened and hope that's okay!

I can hardly believe that today is March 1.

Where did the past two months go?!

I'm not even sure how I would or even could wrap up the past two months of my life anyways... so much has happened! Maybe one day I can go back and cover it, but in the meantime...

Lately... I haven't been able to capture my thoughts into words very easily. It's unusual for me.

I'm stumbling over my thoughts, my words...

Although lately time has been flying by so quickly; for now time is moving slowly, and my thoughts come more easily. And even if it is just for this moment I am grateful.

I think that most of us don't look enough for moments to be grateful. Don't thank the Lord enough for what He has done in our life and for the things He continues to do.

This morning I had a great conversation with a lady I work with. We talked about how great it is to be in a place in life where you just trust God will take care of everything. When you KNOW without a doubt that He is in the good (we know all good things come from Him), in the "bad", in the confusing, the unknown and the known. He's in everything. You can be content that even when things don't look like they are going our way it doesn't matter, because God has a plan bigger than our perspective. Bigger than us.

I don't ever want to be without that trust in Him. I don't want to be in a place where I'm not putting Him first, where I lose focus of what and who Christ is in my life. I don't want to EVER put anything or anyone above Him.

And the Lord has been teaching me so much lately which has been making my trust in Him and His plans grow even more...

One of the things I have been learning more and more lately is about what it means to really savor a moment.

I think so much that sometimes it is hard for me to just sit and be still... To just be still and know He is God. To know that the moment I'm in is from Him, and He is in control in all things even when I'm not. Sometimes it is difficult for me to just sit back and enjoy where I am at.

Lately, I have had so much to be thankful for. I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with so many moments that are better than what I could have ever imagined...

Today I am thankful... for spring around the corner, for a sweet, healthy, beautiful niece, a wonderful family, work that lately challenges me more often than not, for new friendships and old, for moments that both excite and scare me, for learning to go deeper still with Christ, and most of all for a God who covers the gaps.

I'm thankful for every moment - good or bad that is still to come.

And for moments where He continues to remind me to just be still and know that He is God.

Answered Prayer

I had been praying and praying and praying.

Struggling and growing for MONTHS now.

Knowing I was missing SOMETHING with this project I've been working on, but not able to place my finger on WHAT.

Until today.

I'm thankful for so many things, but especially that God hears us - and doesn't stop there. He answers!! Be it yes or no, today I am thankful for opened eyes. For renewed strength, and a green light to continue down the path on a road I have been walking down for a while now...

Thanks be to the Lord "who was, and is, and is to come!" - Revelation 4:8

I've been tagged!

I have been tagged by my sister to post the sixth picture off the sixth file of my pictures on my computer. I still don't have six files of pictures on my fun new laptop, but here is my sixth picture on here so far - it's of my beautiful niece Maylee Gail about a month and a half ago! :)



Katie, Jen. P and Lizzy - you're it!

This makes sense...

Earlier this week I was cleaning out some files and found my old Myers-Briggs test results from late in high-school. Later, I thought I'd take the test again - I was wondering if my results would still be the same or not... Apparently, I have changed, AND supposedly my personality type makes up only one percent of the people in the world! I don't know whether I should think that makes me really weird, or very unique, but I'm going to go with unique! :)

It's not completely accurate, but pretty close!!!

Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)
Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

AH!

These...



are invading my life.

Seriously.

They started outside, slowly driving me inside from my favorite spot on the porch.

THEN... they took over the pantry. They even ate up all of my favorite granola bars.

THEN... as if nothing is sacred. They took over my favorite couch.

I didn't know it until I was covered in them. I have more bites than I can count running all over my back and arms.

At last count they had taken over the front yard, the kitchen, the living room, and one bathroom.

I stand watching them and can't help but wonder what's next...

This is seriously a "Birds" like invasion... just with ants.

Help us please.

A to Z

A is for age. 24
B is for burger of choice. Two: Kincaid's and the bacon cheese burger at Texas Grill.
C is for what car you drive. A Scion
D is for Dog's name. Cobi
E is for essential item you use every day. Toothpaste. I can live without everything else, but not toothpaste! Oh, and facewash...
F is for favorite tv show at the moment. So You Think You Can Dance (I'm SO bummed out Mark got voted off last week!)
G is for Favorite game. I love, love, love Loaded Questions, nearly any card game, and nearly anything on the Wii.
H is for Hometown.I grew up in Fort Worth.
I is for instruments you play. I play the piano.
J is for favorite juice. Apple juice hands down.
K is for who you'd like to kiss. ... I'm going to pass on this one for now! :)
L is for last restaurant you ate at. Chipotle.
M is for your favorite Muppet. I love Animal and Fozzie - he cracks me up..
N is for number of piercings. Two. one in each ear.
O is for overnight hospital stays. None
P is for people you were with today. Everyone I work with (although today was one of those days I stayed buried in my cube most of the day!), my Dad, and soon to be my gym friends! :)
Q is for what you do with your quiet time. Quiet time as in not at work time, I usually work out, write, read, and relax to one of my favorite shows, or talk on the phone for a while! Quiet time as in Bible Study, I usually start with prayer, read a chapter of Scripture, do some structured Bible Study for a study I'm in, and then close with a more specific time of prayer, but that's just kind of my rough outline - I kind of go wherever I'm feeling led that day!
R is for biggest regret. I don't really have any... I have a few things where I wish I had responded differently, or where I wish things could have been different, but I think that I wouldn't be the person I am today, or be where I'm at today if those things hadn't happened...
S is for status. Single
T is for time you woke up today. 7:45 a.m. - I definitely have to start working on being more disciplined and waking up earlier!
U is for what you consider unique. My life, and the lives of everyone around me!
V is for vegetable you love. I LOVE brocolli. Absolutely love it. I also love fresh green beans, carrots... yum.
W is for worst habit. Overthinking and being unsure in myself sometimes...
X is for number of x-rays you've had. So many... dance and being a goalie can do that to a girl!
Y is for yummy food you ate today. Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream... Yum. Good thing I'm headed to the gym in a minute! :oP
Z is for zodiac sign. Scorpio. I don't really believe in all those things, BUT thought it was really interesting that some people think (or maybe it's fact? I don't really know) that the zodiac signs have something to do with the tower of Babyl from Biblical Times... Anyone know anything about that??

Wow God

Lately I have been having a lot of "Wow God" moments.

Some have been sad "Wow God" moments...

Like "Wow God" I don't understand. I don't know how to react. I don't know what You are doing. I don't know what to do. I don't know... I just don't know... Almost like "Wow God" if I didn't know better I would almost think You were cruel. But I know, I believe with everything in me, with all of my heart that You have a greater purpose than what I can see, than what I can feel, than what I can touch. I know my limited view just isn't allowing me to see the greatness You are working. You are the great "I am" and I know that You are working all things together for the good of those who love You and have been called according to Your purpose (Romans 8).

There have also been a lot of incredible "Wow God" moments...

Last week I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot of one of my favorite restuarants with tears pooling in my eyes, because He is so great... He is just so much bigger than I can ever even begin to understand. To think He delights in us. Delights in flawed, sinful, and deceptive us. To know that He beautifully weaves lives together to bring Him Glory... It's beautiful. And to think we see just the tip of the iceburg of what is really being done. I can't think of anything else to say besides "Wow God!".

I have met some of the most amazing people this past week and it's definitely not because of anything I did. It has nothing to do with anything I could have ever done. He put it together. He orchestrated it. And I'm blessed for it.

A few years ago, when I went through a really hard time in my life, He gave me a heart to see that in everything He is in control... and that He is doing all things for the good of those who love Him. Not just a few things, not just occasionally - He works ALL things together for our good. All.

When He opened my eyes to that, He also opened my eyes to His heart in so many ways... It's one of the greatest things I've ever been blessed to know... I wouldn't trade that time in my life for anything, because now I know. Now I see it. Now I don't take it for granted. Now I know that you can feel the hurt, cry the tears, feel the pain, but at the same time fully know that He is in control, and He is working all things for good. Whether we understand it or not, that is what He is doing. And in Him, we find peace, we find hope, we find mercy, we find grace even in the saddest, most confusing moments life can bring us. He is so great!

Wow God!

Thoughts...

I'm restless today.... it's aggravating.

I'm trying to rest on His Promises. On His Word. On His Truth... I know His timing is always perfect. Always.

At all times, He is Faithful.
At all times, He is all Knowing.
At all times, He is guiding.
At all times, He is perfect.
At all times, He is Sovereign.

I need to follow.
I need to trust.
I need to...

I need to cling to my King.

This year has been a blessing. A year of recovery in so many ways from what had been a crazy few years... A year of calm, of constant after a few years of instability in everything I had considered to be stable.

And I learned...
He is the only Stability.
He is the only Constant.
He is my rock... He is the Rock of the Ages.

And now... Now I feel like I know where He is leading. Somewhere a world away from where I thought He would, but this feeling... It's impossible to shake. You know that feeling where everything just fits? Where you feel like you're walking hand in hand and step-in-step with the Lord? And you can't explain it, it doesn't even really make complete sense to you, but you just know what He wants for you?

That's where I am...

And it's beautiful, and wonderful, and such a huge and amazing blessing and place to be, but now I'm anxious to move forward. To take the next step on the path.

But, I know everything in His time.
In His perfect, beautiful timing.

And in the meantime... in this time... I'll wait and walk in His Promises.