For Lives Like Ours

Living Simplicity

2010-04-11T20:11:00.000-07:00

Today I hit a bump in the road again...

I'm fighting the urge to take on too much again. To feel like I need to keep up with everyone and everything that is going around me.

I'm super busy at work and super busy outside of work it seems.

There is always something to do, something that frantically needs done, someone to call, someone to email, five events to plan.

It's hard, REALLY hard to find time to just-be-still.

Feeling like everything and everyone rides on me. Sinful I know because nothing can be done in my power... really it's all on Him. And that's where it should be.

I don't know why I get caught up in idolatry and thinking that "I" should take it all on on my own.

I'm not going there though. Not today. Not anymore. I've been there before... Last summer I was there. I fell.

I learned. And today. I pray. I repent. I take a breath and let the guilt, the pressure, the anticipation, the stress fall away.

I cling to my God. My Savior. The One who holds it all and who appoints it all.

He is, He was, He is always to be.

And instead, I think...

I need to fight for that place where I say no to doing everything all the time. To fight to keep the boundaries up that my soul craves. Fight for the place where my soul...

can.

finally.

breathe.

Today...

Go outside. Turn the TV off. Get some real rest with a little Vitamin D on top.

Say no to nonstop going. Put your 'to-do' list away for the day.

Unnattach your iphone from your hand.

Take a REAL Sabbath, a real day of rest each week.

Enjoy real friendships. You know, the ones where there are no cell phones, just laughter and REAL conversation over a cup of coffee.. Remember those?

Find a good friend who you trust and share the DEEP things that are going in your life.

Soak in life.

Soak in a beautiful sunset, a sweet word, a sweet moment.

Savor each hug, each kiss, each touch.

Savor life... don't rush past it.

Trust God.

Follow Him.

Make time to spend alone with Him.

And find the quiet...

Fight for the quiet.

Address and deal with your pain instead of running from it.

Filling your life with stuff doesn't make the pain go away. It doesn't make the hard stuff disappear.

That stuff doesn't just go away. So instead of running... instead of filling every portion of your life with stuff... Instead... get in the Word, pray hard, consult godly counsel if needed and FACE it. Deal with it.

So that you can finally move forward.

Finally quiet the hurt.

And then...

Dream big. Fall hard.

Love big.

Don't you see...?

Strip away the noise. Strip away the busy. Strip away everything that doesn't really matter.

And what you have left is what matters.

Run away from all of the junk that clutters your life.

Run away to Him.

Fight for the simplicity.

And realize that the quiet, rest, peace aren't something we can find.

Rather they are gifts that He gives.

Fight for it.

Press into Him

2010-02-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

Tonight my thoughts come in pieces...

Tonight I'm thinking about FAITH.

Without Faith it is impossible to please Him.

Oh me of little faith...

Have you ever thought about how people always say they take a leap of faith. As if it takes faith to do something they fear?

I wonder...

How often do I resist doing anything outside of my comfort zone because I am afraid.

How often do we choose to stay where we're at IN SPITE of knowing it's not where we're meant to be because we're not really willing to move because we're scared.

How often do I decide that maybe I'll stick with this ministry because I know I'm good at it?

Have you ever stopped to think about how life is full of things we fear?

Hebrews 11:6 says without faith it is impossible to please Him.

IMPOSSIBLE.

And yet... still we sit instead of standing... then we stand instead of running.

we're afraid of falling.

... but so what if we do? If you are one of God's children it doesn't matter. He will pick you up, show you His way... All it matters is that you are following Him completely.

Have you ever thought about how maybe faith means facing the things we are most terrified of??

That it means stepping out of our comfort zone, stepping out of what we know, letting our plans for our future fall to the wayside so that we can step forward in faith to follow where the Lord is leading.

We need to live in a place where we are willing to take a step... a leap of faith.

It's terrifying.

And yet. Faith pleases God.

I drive...

I stare out the window, blink back tears.

At a stop light I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and refocus.

I know...
-it's scary navigating relationships... what if they don't like me, what if they get to know me and change their mind, what if he decides he doesn't want me anymore, what if they realize how imperfect, how flawed, how sinful I am and decide they don't want me anymore... and what if I fail them? If I let them down?
-it's scary putting your thoughts into words for all the world to see... there is something permanent feeling about hitting 'publish'. Something about being vulnerable -even in the tiniest bit - in this way. About letting someone else read what is so close to your heart... navigating the tumble of words that spill out of my heart and onto the paper... Not to mention there is a heavy responsibility in all of our words... more on that to come.

AND yet...
we have a choice.

I have a choice - despite the fact I sometimes close myself off to the options.

When the fear comes we have a choice.

I've been watching LOST lately...

And I kept thinking as I watched that black cloud monster that chases everyone down...

Funny how people chose to react in two ways: most ran, but one stared it down. Looked it in the eye and it ran.

The show depicts him as a man of faith.

We can run or we can stand firm.

We can stand strong in our faith.

We can live through that terrifying space that gaps our comfort and truly living...

Press hard and push through...

And later... as I sit and wonder.

I realize that it begins now. It begins today. It begins by choosing to say YES to the Lord no matter what... in the big and the small...

Acting in faith in all things.

Not just the things that I think fit.

In all things...

Press through the fear, press hard into him, and begin to truly live.

How long have I wasted time He has blessed me with by being too afraid to truly live in faith?

It is in faith that I can please Him.

So today... right now I begin to move forward. To step in to that terrifying space... To live in it. To step out in faith and reach hard, push hard, breath deep.

And press into Him.

Feeling the blessing...

2010-01-31T22:32:00.000-08:00

Tonight...

I'm feeling my blessings.

Honestly, most of today I was painfully self-aware of my shortcomings. I messed up a few little things and then beat myself up most of the day for them. I regret it, because I could have turned it around, but instead I just let them hang over me... I let perfectionism reign.

Some days I let my insecurity reach in, take hold of me and take over.

I let my emotion and every insecurity I choose to let in become my King.
They are NOT my King.

And I will not let them rule over me.

I am painfully flawed to the core. Lost without my Savior.

But I HAVE BEEN REDEEMED.
And tonight one text message struck me to the core...
It was simple, short, and life giving.
Words meant just for me... Words that encouraged and touched me so deeply that they sent tears tracing their way down my face.

And I'm forever grateful to the sender of the message, because though this was in no way their intention with the message in less than ten words they are who reminded me...

That today I let those things come in. I let them take hold of me. And I let myself become saturated in them.

But no more...
I am not the product of my shortcomings... Rather I belong to my Savior, and my identity is in Him.

And tomorrow is a new day.
The Lord gives us a new morning every day...

And tomorrow is Monday and I'm thankful for a new day, a new week...

Tomorrow is time enough for a fresh perspective, a fresh outlook, and a fresh beginning...

Time enough for a new start, new day, and new time.

It's time enough for a new beginning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Tonight I'm thankful for...
-sweet words of encouragement
-a godly boyfriend who goes out of his way to make soup for me when I'm sick, help drag furniture across the city, is always there when I need him, and is always willing to go do nearly anything with me... or just sit and do nothing with me... he's brought so much to my life and I'm so thankful for him.
-a great church that cares more about being Christ-centered than anything
-friends and family...
-an amazing LifeGroup
-a place to serve
-fresh beginning and fresh starts...
More to come...

Mrs. Patty

2009-09-18T10:56:00.001-07:00

Even on the worst of days Mrs. Patty could make things better.

Running late, feeling tense, she never failed to bring peace.

She has the best sense of humor, the prettiest smile and the grace of a woman who has truly lived.

She is wise with Grace.

And her sweet words touch me always.

Even now...

As I hugged her tight today and whispered I'm sorry for the loss of her husband, tears threatened to brim over...

I never knew him, but just knowing her is enough to make my heart ache for her...

She holds me tight and pulls me back so that we're eye to eye and says "you know you are so special to me."

It touched me to the very core of my soul.

I was there to serve her and yet I walked away feeling like I'm the one who was served.

In that second when she said what she did it struck me and it's if everything stood still for a minute...

God loves us.

God loves me.

I know this is true, but sometimes I let my heart neglect to feel that truth.

... there's a difference between head knowledge and heart knowledge. Heart knowledge MUST come from and root from the head knowledge, but there's something about those moments when both your head AND your heart know the truth.

He loves us.

He loves me.

That's all I need.

It's as though the Lord surprised me with a small gift today just to remind me that He loves me.

Don't you love it when that happens? The Lord isn't required to give us tangible reminders of His love, but like any silly girl I'm touched in every way when it happens. Just like when any flawed, sinful human gives flowers, a handwritten note, a gift, compliments... reminders that they were thinking of you. Reminders that they love you. They desire to do that for you for no reason besides that.

It speaks volumes because well, sometimes in grind of the day to day we start to forget and we start to wonder.

But God... God doesn't need to do that.

He could dictate everything without an ounce of love toward us and He would still stand as the One true living God. He doesn't NEED to remind us of His love, because His Word says it's true... That makes it all the more amazing that He cares enough to remind us because we all know it's not about us...

Really it's about me and about us glorifying Him and representing Him WELL in everything.

That's what she did.

That's what she lives.

Mrs. Patty knows WHO she represents. She knows the Lord loves her... And it's evident in everything she does. Everything she says. And everyone around her knows it.

She represents that kind of beauty and grace to me.

She's the type of woman I aspire to be.

Thank you Mrs. Patty...

Prayer

2009-09-16T21:23:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking...

How often do I neglect to just be still before the Lord.

How often do I choose to not spend time in prayer with Him?

Some days my world is rocked with the noise and thunder of chaos quickly followed by the lightening of the busy.

I choose to let it rain on my day.

God has blessed me much more than I deserve by not taking away my perspective and by not letting me lose sight of Him, but far too often I carry things that aren't mine to carry...

The rain should be cleansing, not building residue on my soul.

But most often the storm weighs because I neglect to spend time alone with Him.

I neglect to spend intentional quiet time focused on Him, in conversation with Him, in praise of Him.

I may say a million little prayers throughout the day, but somehow it's just different than when at the beginning of my day I begin with praise. When I begin it with just sitting with Him over a bowl of cereal. Just me and Him for a little while.

It changes everything.

This week - by no strength of my own - I've been intentional about getting time with Him alone - time in addition to time in the Word, in addition to Bible study, in addition to worship. Just time sitting alone in prayer with the Lord.

It's been amazing. And I've been so grateful for it.

Father I pray you keep me in this place that You've brought me to where I intentionally spend time with you...

Pray for me and that I'll stay in this place...

And I'll be praying that you are too...

Psalm 62:1
For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.

Transition

2009-09-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes things don't feel permament.

Do you know that feeling?

When everything and everyone important in your life just doesn't feel solid. It feels like it could all slip out of your fingertips and come crashing to the floor in a second?

I hate it.

I love possibilities, ideas, and opportunities... but at the same time even though it doesn't make sense just the very thought of change makes my stomach churn and my mind prone to wander...

When I find something I like and am comfortable with part of me just wants to cling to the familiar. I don't want to trade in the old tattered blanket for the new. I want to keep my old faded blue jeans. I want to things to stay.

I guess like the feeling of the known.

I like feeling known.

I like knowing where I stand, where I'm going and where I am.

Transitional just isn't fun for me... It's a struggle.

But my God... my God is bigger than the transition.

He's bigger than the feeling of not knowing where or when or how or why.

He tells me to follow Him... and maybe not by sight this time.

Just like Abram... The Lord didn't tell him where to go, how to go... He wasn't specific. He said leave and Abram left.

That's where I need to be.

And that's where I want to be.

I know I'm safe in His arms. My Father who loves me, holds me... I'm constantly in the arms of the One who knows me and loves me far more than anyone else on this earth possibly could; and He holds time in His hands...

And that's why I can sleep in peace. That's what calms my heart and sooths my mind.

Because I'm not alone in the transition. Rather the transition is held by the same One who holds me in His hand.

Behind the eyes

2009-09-14T21:51:00.000-07:00

Behind the big brown eyes...

Behind the desk...

Behind the counter at Starbucks...

And behind the checkout line at Albertons.

Behind the car going ridiculously slow on the freeway when you are in a rush...

Behind the mean exterior...

There is a person.

Just like me, and just like you.

Sometimes I forget.

I forget the people...

I hate that I forget that sometimes...

Jesus never forget the people. He doesn't forget me, and He doesn't forget you.

He remembers us always. He cherishes us always. He loves us always.

He sees behind our eyes, into our hearts that betray Him daily, and still...

He remembers us as His children... as being HIS.

Lord, help me to remember that my hope that comes only from You can be shown to them because of Your love, Your truth and Your mercy...

You'll use me if I just get out of the way...

Help me to remember...

tonight...

2009-08-23T20:55:00.000-07:00

Tonight, I stood at my front door looking out, my fingertips barely touching the glass as I watched the car drive away.

My thoughts wandered...

Lately God has been teaching me so much.

Stretching me further than I thought I could go, taking me places I never thought He would take me, and pulling me closer to Him.

This has been an amazing year and I'm so thankful for every second of it. For all of the good, all of the bad.. for all of the things I've struggled through, and for all of the things I've rejoyced in.

I'm grateful... the Lord has used every second of it - every moment - to draw me closer to Him and to show me a part of Him I've never seen before.

It's just as He's promised.

I'm so grateful...

As I stood preparing for a new morning to wake me tomorrow, I thought about...

At this time: I've learned that I take on too much. And I definitely took on too much this summer. I didn't prayerfully consider what the Lord wanted me to take on, until I reached the point where I just couldn't give one hundred percent any more. I constantly demanded perfection of myself, and then struggled to understand my frustration I so consistently felt when I continually failed to be all that I was demanding. Then the Lord drew me to a place where I saw my flaws so clearly, fell on my knees, and then the Lord took my hand and showed me His way, His calendar, His priorities. I also learned through this that I have an amazing boyfriend that not only put up with me while I walked through this lesson, but has unknowingly encouraged me countless times while I learned it...

A confession: I want to savor every moment, but I'm afraid that sometimes my desire to fast forward life just a little so that I can know what the 'next step' for me is stops me from doing that. I pray I can savor and cherish this time in my life without wondering what is next...

My life: To seek after God whole-heartedly, to love Him more, to seek His face in everything. In every moment, every second, every breath... I want to know Him better, I want to know Him more intimately, I want to be a woman that makes Him proud. I want to stand before Him one day and hear Him say "well done". I want to Glorify Him in life and death and forevermore.

A thought: It's funny how my life is nothing like I pictured it would be, but God has made it so much sweeter, so much richer, and so much fuller. My life is far from being perfect, BUT it's been an amazing thing to see how He has used it for His glory and in countless ways that I never would have thought or even could have imagined...

A conclusion: I know the Lord has me firmly in the grip of His hand. He holds me so tightly that He'll never let me go. I love Him more than anything, more than anyone... And His name is written in me... lest I ever forget.

This I know

2009-08-10T21:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight I feel displaced.

And it's aggravating.

I just don't know...
I just don't.

Sitting here in this peaceful house alone I take a deep breath.

Lately I feel like I come up short constantly.

I can't be fast enough, smart enough, pretty enough, skinny enough, skilled enough, trained enough...

I just can't be enough.

And yet as I breath in and pause.

I know that at all times

at all times

at all times

I can choose to say "I trust you Lord" and give it all up to Him. I can CHOOSE to say it... AND to believe it.

At all times He is trustworty.

At all times He is Truth.

At all times He is Sovereign.

I know this it truth. I know that He's truth. I know that He has a plan. And I know that without Him I am nothing, but for some reason He uses me. He CHOOSES to use me and is pleased to do so. And just me is more than enough for Him. Flawed, sinful, scared, people pleaser me. For some reason He chose to give up His life because He thinks I'm enough.

Amazing.

These are things I DO know.

So in the meantime... while I sit here and wonder. While I sit and pray. While I sit alone with Him. I do know some wonderful, amazing things...

And I know He will guide me to a place to where I DO KNOW the answers to the silent questions tonight I quietly sit with alone. In His timing, He will answer the silent questions of my heart, and fill my soul with His Presence...

These are the days...

2009-07-06T13:07:00.001-07:00

The other day Jason and I were figuring out how many kids I've taught swimming lessons.

Here's what I figure...
-I taught all morning sessions when I was 17, 18 and 19. Then when I was 20 I taugh full-time so morning, evening and private lessons when I was 20, 21 and 22. When I was 23, 24, and now - 25 I've taught private lessons just as a side job.

- So the summers I was 17-19 - I had about 32 kids a session not including private lessons. 32 kids times four sessions is 128 kids a summer. 128 times 3 summers is 384 kids taught again not including private lessons.

- Then the summers I was 20-22 I taught seven classes a day. Seven times 8 is 72 kids a session, times four sessions... I taught roughly 288 kids a summer. 288 times three summers is 864 kids taught, not including private lessons.

- So in just group lessons I have taught roughly 1,152 kids in swimming lessons.

And right now, for the first time ever, I have a child who I simply think I cannot teach a thing.

I don't think there is such thing as an 'unteachable' child. I've taught kids with autism, kids with disabilities, kids with insane fears of water... but this one is different.

This one has every ability to learn - he is smart, he is physically able, he is a fast learner - when he wants to learn, but he is also absolutely the most stubborn child I have ever met in my life.

He just doesn't want to do it. He doesn't want to learn.

And because of that my capability to do anything with him is limited to teaching him very very little.

It's the most frustrating thing in the world to want to equip this child with something that will help him, that he would probably have so much fun with, and that he would probably excel in, but he just refuses to do so.

This morning while I was doing my Bible study I began thinking about how a lot of times a lot of us are just like this little boy I'm trying to teach... God has a world of things He'll do through us, that He will allow us to be a part of, but we just refuse to let Him. We want what we want when we want to. We get focused on what WE WANT, or what we think we should do and we leave Him out of the picture. We miss out on so much because we dig in our heals and simply refuse to get out of our ourselves. We sit on the corner of the pool refusing to put our toe in four feet of water because we don't want to. Or we don't trust Him to teach us, or we don't want to start in the four foot - we want to be in the twenty foot, or we just want to remain in three feet of water because we can stand there - we're comfortable there.

Whatever our reasons are we get in a position of refusing to let Him teach us, refusing to let Him guide us, refusing to simply trust Him, put down our nets and follow Him.

And because the Lord we serve allows our free will He doesn't force us to swim in the four foot, and because of that we absolutely limit what He will use us for. We miss out on a whole lot becuase we wind up chilling out in the three feet of comfort we've limited ourselves to, or end up squirming on the side of the four foot because we refuse to let Him take us in there. We'll follow Him to side, but won't get in.

Today, I know I want to become more teachable. I want to be willing to get out of myself and follow Him to wherever He wants. I want to be set-apart for Him - not set-apart because I refuse to trust Him and move forward...

I pray God will always keep me in a place where I'm teachable, where even if I'm scared I'm moving toward Him... whatever it takes I pray that I will stay in a place where I'm constantly moving further and deeper with Him...

Living a Cross-Centered Life

2009-03-08T09:21:00.000-07:00

Today I feel like writing a different kind of post than I have in the past...

Monday, I went to coffee with a friend and had such a great time! We talked about a ton of things, but one thing was something I had recently been a little concerned about. It was funny because I had been thinking about it, but wasn't going to talk to anyone about it because it wasn't a big deal, but it just happened to come up in conversation and it turns out she had 'been there done that' and allevited EVERYTHING I had been concerned about! The funny thing is, I hadn't realized I had been concerned about it as much as I had been until the concern was gone and the weight was lifted from me. Only then was it that I realized how much it had been affecting me.

On my way home I was praying over the night and for forgiveness for being WORRIED about the things I was when I know that's sinful and I shouldn't be, and it dawned on me (God revealed?!) how recently I have been both overanalyzing life and taking myself way too seriously! It's not as though I haven't been myself; it's just that the past two weeks or so I guess I have been a more subdued or cautious version of myself... and I have definitely been spending more time than I should thinking about what I said or didn't say, or how I should say certain things, and if I made things look just the right way, or even if I looked just right... I was just worrying about the most unimportant, superficial things in the world, but in that moment they would become some of the most important things in the world to me. Sinful I know!

And because of it, instead of just really enjoying the moment I am in; I had been constantly thinking about the next moment and about how to keep it here.

Instead of just staying completely focused on Christ and remembering that He is in control of everything so I don't need to worry about anything, I had slowly been taking bits and pieces of things and trying to take them on on my own. As if that's something I could even handle!

So this week, I have put myself back into His hands entirely and it has been so wonderful. It's the best place in the world to be. I have been feeling so blessed lately, but now the blessing is richer and fuller because I'm not clinging to the edges of something that isn't mine to cling to!

The joy you can find in Christ is truly unlike any other! "For the joy of the Lord is your strength" - Nehemiah 8:10

Tying into this, a few weeks ago, Jason loaned me C.J. Mahaney's, Cross-Centered Life. I wound up sitting and reading the entire thing cover-to-cover in the British Library while I had a few hours to kill while waiting for Katie to come back from Cambridge.

It was definitely a 'God-thing' that I had that book with me, because honestly I was in a pretty awful mood when I finally made it to the library. I was just so overwhelmed, tired, hungry and emotional... and I didn't have a clue what I was doing or where I was going! I was all for the adventure until my cabbie dropped me off and I went by TWO coffee/ tea houses, only to find out they were all so full there wasn't even a single seat open anywhere! It definitely threw my plans off to say the least!

Anyways, once I settled in at the library, I wrote down a few quotes from the book, and one of them has really been coming back to me over and over since I read it.

Mahaney writes: "In the last week, what was your primary preoccupation in life? What was your spiritual focus? Was it on that spot where God most reveals His personal love for you - the cross? Or was it on your own circumstances, your own condition, your own concerns? Was your preoccupation with your personal pursuit of godliness? Growth in godliness must be pursued, but never apart from joyful gratitude for the cross." ~ page 106

I think Mahaney said a lot of dead on things in that book, but this quote is in particularly true. Our preoccuption needs to be with our personal pursuit of godliness. We need to have a Cross-centered life.

It's the best place you can be! I have challenged myself this week to really focus on making sure that my life is centered on the Cross, and entirely on the Lord like it is supposed to be. And second to that, I'm challenging myself to live in the moment, to shake off all the remnant of worry and concern I've been clinging to that isn't mine to carry... and to hand all of that off to the Lord... I'm excited to take on each day with this refreshed perspective!

The Lord has been faithful and gracious in more and better ways than I ever could have asked for, so I can't wait to see what He brings about next and to strive to go further and deeper with Him over the next few weeks!

Choices and change...

2009-03-04T18:32:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I sat at the piano, and lay my fingers lightly on the familiar keys.

How long has it been since I sat here?

I love to play. But a long time ago I decided it wasn't something I did for other people... it wasn't something I wanted to do for everyone. And now it's not something I usually do with a purpose in mind. It's something I do alone. When the house is empty and the music alone can fill the quiet air...

It's then that I sing along with the simple melodies I play...

It's then I release my fear, my pain, my tears, my insecurities, my praise, my hope, and my dreams.

When it's just me and the Lord.

I love to sing Psalms, to pray the words out loud...

This time, I sat and look at my fingers laying on the keys for a few moments, because for the first time in a while I wasn't sure I knew where to begin.

My fingers touch the keys lightly at first, clumsy.

But as the time went by the more comfortable it felt. The more familiar...

... the more familiar and comfortable I felt, the more I opened up... I became more excited, more passionate, more alive.

Change has been surrounding me the past few months. But it's not so uncomfortable and scary anymore.

Sometimes I'm still... unsure of where I stand, of what I'm doing, or even if I'm enough... Why is it we want to be affirmed so constantly when we are feeling unsure?

As though we should feel unsure to begin with. Christ is all we need. He is our All in All. He is the Alpha and Omega, and our Beginning and End.

No matter what, our hope lies in Him, "and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).

I'm so grateful that we serve a Lord who chooses to love us like He does. I think love is a choice and though it may be controversial to say - I think it is as much a constant, conscious choice as it is an active feeling. And though I suppose it could be argued that it would be against His character to not love us, I do think the Lord has chosen to redeem us, to save us from what we deserve... He could have left us in Eden and with our consequences for what we chose... but instead chose to send His only son to save us, because He loves us - because "He so loved the world" (John 3:16).

And because of that, because of Him, I can stand firm with hope.

And my music becomes more sure, and I can play with confidence - even for a million people - because I know He is all I need.

Two months...

2009-03-01T10:44:00.000-08:00

I'm going to just assume you are going to grow tired of reading my excuses for not updating as I type them, so I'm going to just dive right on in as if nothing ever happened and hope that's okay!

I can hardly believe that today is March 1.

Where did the past two months go?!

I'm not even sure how I would or even could wrap up the past two months of my life anyways... so much has happened! Maybe one day I can go back and cover it, but in the meantime...

Lately... I haven't been able to capture my thoughts into words very easily. It's unusual for me.

I'm stumbling over my thoughts, my words...

Although lately time has been flying by so quickly; for now time is moving slowly, and my thoughts come more easily. And even if it is just for this moment I am grateful.

I think that most of us don't look enough for moments to be grateful. Don't thank the Lord enough for what He has done in our life and for the things He continues to do.

This morning I had a great conversation with a lady I work with. We talked about how great it is to be in a place in life where you just trust God will take care of everything. When you KNOW without a doubt that He is in the good (we know all good things come from Him), in the "bad", in the confusing, the unknown and the known. He's in everything. You can be content that even when things don't look like they are going our way it doesn't matter, because God has a plan bigger than our perspective. Bigger than us.

I don't ever want to be without that trust in Him. I don't want to be in a place where I'm not putting Him first, where I lose focus of what and who Christ is in my life. I don't want to EVER put anything or anyone above Him.

And the Lord has been teaching me so much lately which has been making my trust in Him and His plans grow even more...

One of the things I have been learning more and more lately is about what it means to really savor a moment.

I think so much that sometimes it is hard for me to just sit and be still... To just be still and know He is God. To know that the moment I'm in is from Him, and He is in control in all things even when I'm not. Sometimes it is difficult for me to just sit back and enjoy where I am at.

Lately, I have had so much to be thankful for. I'm so grateful that I have been blessed with so many moments that are better than what I could have ever imagined...

Today I am thankful... for spring around the corner, for a sweet, healthy, beautiful niece, a wonderful family, work that lately challenges me more often than not, for new friendships and old, for moments that both excite and scare me, for learning to go deeper still with Christ, and most of all for a God who covers the gaps.

I'm thankful for every moment - good or bad that is still to come.

And for moments where He continues to remind me to just be still and know that He is God.

Answered Prayer

2008-12-14T10:51:00.001-08:00

I had been praying and praying and praying.

Struggling and growing for MONTHS now.

Knowing I was missing SOMETHING with this project I've been working on, but not able to place my finger on WHAT.

Until today.

I'm thankful for so many things, but especially that God hears us - and doesn't stop there. He answers!! Be it yes or no, today I am thankful for opened eyes. For renewed strength, and a green light to continue down the path on a road I have been walking down for a while now...

Thanks be to the Lord "who was, and is, and is to come!" - Revelation 4:8

I've been tagged!

2008-11-11T17:47:00.001-08:00

I have been tagged by my sister to post the sixth picture off the sixth file of my pictures on my computer. I still don't have six files of pictures on my fun new laptop, but here is my sixth picture on here so far - it's of my beautiful niece Maylee Gail about a month and a half ago! :)

Katie, Jen. P and Lizzy - you're it!

This makes sense...

2008-09-20T15:35:00.001-07:00

Earlier this week I was cleaning out some files and found my old Myers-Briggs test results from late in high-school. Later, I thought I'd take the test again - I was wondering if my results would still be the same or not... Apparently, I have changed, AND supposedly my personality type makes up only one percent of the people in the world! I don't know whether I should think that makes me really weird, or very unique, but I'm going to go with unique! :)

It's not completely accurate, but pretty close!!!

Idealist Portrait of the Counselor (INFJ)
Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly.

Mohandas Gandhi, Sidney Poitier, Eleanor Roosevelt, Jane Goodall, Emily Bronte, Sir Alec Guiness, Carl Jung, Mary Baker Eddy, Queen Noor are examples of the Counselor Idealist (INFJ).

AH!

2008-09-17T18:25:00.000-07:00

These...

are invading my life.

Seriously.

They started outside, slowly driving me inside from my favorite spot on the porch.

THEN... they took over the pantry. They even ate up all of my favorite granola bars.

THEN... as if nothing is sacred. They took over my favorite couch.

I didn't know it until I was covered in them. I have more bites than I can count running all over my back and arms.

At last count they had taken over the front yard, the kitchen, the living room, and one bathroom.

I stand watching them and can't help but wonder what's next...

This is seriously a "Birds" like invasion... just with ants.

Help us please.

A to Z

2008-07-16T09:57:00.000-07:00

A is for age. 24
B is for burger of choice. Two: Kincaid's and the bacon cheese burger at Texas Grill.
C is for what car you drive. A Scion
D is for Dog's name. Cobi
E is for essential item you use every day. Toothpaste. I can live without everything else, but not toothpaste! Oh, and facewash...
F is for favorite tv show at the moment. So You Think You Can Dance (I'm SO bummed out Mark got voted off last week!)
G is for Favorite game. I love, love, love Loaded Questions, nearly any card game, and nearly anything on the Wii.
H is for Hometown.I grew up in Fort Worth.
I is for instruments you play. I play the piano.
J is for favorite juice. Apple juice hands down.
K is for who you'd like to kiss. ... I'm going to pass on this one for now! :)
L is for last restaurant you ate at. Chipotle.
M is for your favorite Muppet. I love Animal and Fozzie - he cracks me up..
N is for number of piercings. Two. one in each ear.
O is for overnight hospital stays. None
P is for people you were with today. Everyone I work with (although today was one of those days I stayed buried in my cube most of the day!), my Dad, and soon to be my gym friends! :)
Q is for what you do with your quiet time. Quiet time as in not at work time, I usually work out, write, read, and relax to one of my favorite shows, or talk on the phone for a while! Quiet time as in Bible Study, I usually start with prayer, read a chapter of Scripture, do some structured Bible Study for a study I'm in, and then close with a more specific time of prayer, but that's just kind of my rough outline - I kind of go wherever I'm feeling led that day!
R is for biggest regret. I don't really have any... I have a few things where I wish I had responded differently, or where I wish things could have been different, but I think that I wouldn't be the person I am today, or be where I'm at today if those things hadn't happened...
S is for status. Single
T is for time you woke up today. 7:45 a.m. - I definitely have to start working on being more disciplined and waking up earlier!
U is for what you consider unique. My life, and the lives of everyone around me!
V is for vegetable you love. I LOVE brocolli. Absolutely love it. I also love fresh green beans, carrots... yum.
W is for worst habit. Overthinking and being unsure in myself sometimes...
X is for number of x-rays you've had. So many... dance and being a goalie can do that to a girl!
Y is for yummy food you ate today. Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla Ice Cream... Yum. Good thing I'm headed to the gym in a minute! :oP
Z is for zodiac sign. Scorpio. I don't really believe in all those things, BUT thought it was really interesting that some people think (or maybe it's fact? I don't really know) that the zodiac signs have something to do with the tower of Babyl from Biblical Times... Anyone know anything about that??

Wow God

2008-07-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been having a lot of "Wow God" moments.

Some have been sad "Wow God" moments...

Like "Wow God" I don't understand. I don't know how to react. I don't know what You are doing. I don't know what to do. I don't know... I just don't know... Almost like "Wow God" if I didn't know better I would almost think You were cruel. But I know, I believe with everything in me, with all of my heart that You have a greater purpose than what I can see, than what I can feel, than what I can touch. I know my limited view just isn't allowing me to see the greatness You are working. You are the great "I am" and I know that You are working all things together for the good of those who love You and have been called according to Your purpose (Romans 8).

There have also been a lot of incredible "Wow God" moments...

Last week I got in my car and pulled out of the parking lot of one of my favorite restuarants with tears pooling in my eyes, because He is so great... He is just so much bigger than I can ever even begin to understand. To think He delights in us. Delights in flawed, sinful, and deceptive us. To know that He beautifully weaves lives together to bring Him Glory... It's beautiful. And to think we see just the tip of the iceburg of what is really being done. I can't think of anything else to say besides "Wow God!".

I have met some of the most amazing people this past week and it's definitely not because of anything I did. It has nothing to do with anything I could have ever done. He put it together. He orchestrated it. And I'm blessed for it.

A few years ago, when I went through a really hard time in my life, He gave me a heart to see that in everything He is in control... and that He is doing all things for the good of those who love Him. Not just a few things, not just occasionally - He works ALL things together for our good. All.

When He opened my eyes to that, He also opened my eyes to His heart in so many ways... It's one of the greatest things I've ever been blessed to know... I wouldn't trade that time in my life for anything, because now I know. Now I see it. Now I don't take it for granted. Now I know that you can feel the hurt, cry the tears, feel the pain, but at the same time fully know that He is in control, and He is working all things for good. Whether we understand it or not, that is what He is doing. And in Him, we find peace, we find hope, we find mercy, we find grace even in the saddest, most confusing moments life can bring us. He is so great!

Wow God!

Thoughts...

2008-06-24T20:29:00.001-07:00

I'm restless today.... it's aggravating.

I'm trying to rest on His Promises. On His Word. On His Truth... I know His timing is always perfect. Always.

At all times, He is Faithful.
At all times, He is all Knowing.
At all times, He is guiding.
At all times, He is perfect.
At all times, He is Sovereign.

I need to follow.
I need to trust.
I need to...

I need to cling to my King.

This year has been a blessing. A year of recovery in so many ways from what had been a crazy few years... A year of calm, of constant after a few years of instability in everything I had considered to be stable.

And I learned...
He is the only Stability.
He is the only Constant.
He is my rock... He is the Rock of the Ages.

And now... Now I feel like I know where He is leading. Somewhere a world away from where I thought He would, but this feeling... It's impossible to shake. You know that feeling where everything just fits? Where you feel like you're walking hand in hand and step-in-step with the Lord? And you can't explain it, it doesn't even really make complete sense to you, but you just know what He wants for you?

That's where I am...

And it's beautiful, and wonderful, and such a huge and amazing blessing and place to be, but now I'm anxious to move forward. To take the next step on the path.

But, I know everything in His time.
In His perfect, beautiful timing.

And in the meantime... in this time... I'll wait and walk in His Promises.

Firenze

2008-06-22T16:24:00.001-07:00

I'm about to get ready to go to a soccer game, but thought I should drop a quick note to say I'm back from my short-term mission! Italy was beyond incredible (the people in ministry there are indescribably great people and I wish I had a chance to get to know them better). We had a lot of incredibly great moments (VBS, campus outreach, and some great conversations...), and a lot of incredibly frustating moments (airplane delays, train strikes and hotel mishaps!), but the mission was fabulous, and as always, the Lord stands Great.

More on everything later though! If the Lord ever opens the door, I can't wait to go back and be a part of what the Lord is doing there!

~ Arriverderche for now! :)

I Love Summer...

2008-05-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

Friday night...

The fan whirled softly overhead while a squirrel ran across the fence, and the fireflies made the landscape sparkle...

... dusk always makes me feel like the Lord's Hand is over us.

... as though He is surrounding the world with His Beauty.

... as though something greater than we could even imagine is just beyond the horizon waiting patiently on us.

... dusk is when Hope and Peace fill the air.

... it's when the best conversations, sweetest moments, and incredible memories are made...

And during those times, nothing but my big sister and an empty stomach can pull me from my lawnchair, because if only for a moment, the world feels as though the it is stable and still.

... if only for a moment on a Friday night.

Cali highlights!

2008-05-25T19:16:00.000-07:00

My week in California was fabulous... I didn't realize how much I needed a vacation until I was halfway through the trip! I'll post more later, but here's some highlights in pictures!

We ate...

We cooked...

We relaxed...

We made new friends...

Reconnected and spent time with cherished old friends...

We climbed a mountain...

We played...

And we basked in God's Glory...

More to come later...

California

2008-05-18T22:12:00.000-07:00

This morning...

My heart nearly hit the ceiling when I woke up and realized I had less than ten minutes to be out the door...

Somehow... by the Grace of God I think... I made it.

Driving home, my sunroof open, while stopped at the stoplight, I stopped, looked up and finally took a deep breath.

...vacation...

Four years in the making and now it's finally here!

California here I come! :)

Eyes that hold no hope

2008-05-12T19:24:00.000-07:00

I have seen eyes that hold no hope.

Souls struggling... for nothing.

Working desparately for everything that they can't quite grasp... working so hard for everything that will never last...

All their work in vain.

Yesterday... I struggled to understand what the World's birth pains where... I knew of famines, of tragedy... but today... today it just all seems so close.

Too close.

Hurricanes, Tornados, Earthquakes... Thousands upon thousands of souls gone in a flash.

Birth pains (Matthew 24)... I understand now.

My heart struggles... We have it so easy and yet.

Of those... I'm sure that among those are my brothers and sisters.

I'm sure of it.

And they are struggling now.

I pray for them.

And I have seen the power of prayer.

Miracles upon miracles performed by our Lord.

Far away, and close to home. People need to know the way.

Because the darkness draws close...

But God is in the darkness. This I know.

His Light overcomes the darkness...

He is the Light to an overwhelmingly dark world.

And His children, His reflection even in the darkest of days...

Pray for His reflecting lights... Pray for His people... Pray for the lost... Pray for those surrounded by dark...

I see the darkness drawning closer, but I'm scared of my own weakness. I'm scared when I see brother and sister turn on each other over the silliest things... because if we don't stand shoulder to shoulder now... then when?

Help us Lord to be strong in You. Help us to stand side by side... Forgive us for being so weak... for being so easy to bend... for being so quick to find fault in others... and so slow to find it in ourselves... Help those hurting right now... be with those in the dark... Please stay near to us Father... Help all of us who are reflections to be as bright as we can... and guide our footsteps directly into Your loving arms...

There's nothing you can do if you're too scared to try

2008-05-12T19:10:00.001-07:00

Last year...
I had the most beautiful little boy in my Sunday School/ nursery class at church.

He is incredibly smart, has the most beautiful green eyes, hates wearing his shoes, and has a little teddy bear shaped sippy cup that goes everywhere he does.

He also has Down's Syndrome.

For months, I stood back and watched him as he tried so hard to get his clumsy feet, legs, and hands to work for him... not against him.

Months and months went by and he continued to struggle. He became a better walker... He graduated from his high chair to a regular chair... He got better at using his hands... but he just couldn't quite get past whatever it was that was keeping him from being able to climb.

Until one day, Charlie learned how to climb.

Tears filled my eyes and one slipped down my cheek as he finally - FINALLY, was able to climb up on top of his chair. He stood as tall as he could, looked around the room, turned in half a circle and then threw both of his sweet chubby arms above his head.

I sent up a prayer of thanks as I sat behind him making sure he wouldn't fall.

Charlie can climb.

For months he couldn't do it... but he never gave up.

He triumphed and I couldn't have been happier... I wanted to throw him a party right there on the spot...

Because Charlie did it. He made it!

Later that night...I realized how we could all learn from my little friend Charlie.

I had Charlie in my class for nearly a year and every Sunday morning he greeted me with a big smile.

He was always so sweet to the other kids.

He always reached out to others.

And he never - ever gave up.

Even though he had every reason to.

Even though we would probably tell him it was okay for him to.

But Charlie didn't care.

Charlie never gave up on life...

Charlie was never too scared.

I don't understand how as believers we walk around without joy.

I don't know how we treat others - especially our brothers and sisters in Christ - so badly.

I don't know how it is that we so rarely reach out of our comfort zone and toward others.

I don't understand how we give up so easily even though we have absolutely NO reason to...

I don't understand what we're so scared of...

I feel the fear too sometimes...

Sometimes I'm so scared that I will fail, that nobody will like me, that I won't be good enough, that I will let someone down... or more importantly that I will let God down, that the fear nearly strangles the life out of me...

... It nearly paralyzes me sometimes...

But even still, I don't understand where it comes from.

And I don't know why it is that we don't reach farther, try harder, and dream bigger than anyone else... We already know the end of our fairy tale. We already know what Christ has promised us. We already know where we belond, who we are, and to Whom we belong...

So why don't we act like we know?!

Why do we act like we don't have an abundant life promised to us... Why do we act like we have something to fear when we're told that we're called to Fear the Lord our God and that's it...

Why do we act like we will have one million tomorrows, when we are told to live for today... for this moment... for this second... for this breath?

Why don't we all live a little more like Charlie...?

Charlie was and continues to be considered 'rejected' by the World, and so was our Savior... He continued to fight even when people told him no... Just like Our Beloved... He didn't fear anything... Just like our Abba... and he triumphed... Just like our Father.

Why don't we all live a little more like Charlie, and a lot more like Christ.

... that day Charlie reminded me that there is nothing I can do if I'm too scared to try... nothing I can become if I'm not willing to work... nothing I can overcome if I'm trying on my own strength and not on His.

Dear God

2008-05-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

Our church group is about to begin a month-long study called "Dear God". It's an opportunity to write out all those questions you want to ask God, send them in to our pastor and then go through them and see what Scripture says about them.

The other day our pastor and I were talking about the series, and I began thinking about what would I ask God if I could ask Him anything right now...

It feels as though if you have an opportunity to ask God a question, it should be a question worthy of Him, if such a thing exists...

I can think of tons of questions about eschatology, about life, about Scripture, or about life and why I can seem to remember nearly every conversation I've had with every person I've ever met, but can't remember where I parked my car, or how to get around the town I've lived in my entire life... but those just didn't seem to be fitting of His time.

Then tonight... I sat and let my mind wander.

Flipping through Scripture. Letting my eyes wander across the page...

I landed here:
"Teach me your way , O Lord, and I will walk in your truth; Give me an undivided heart that I may fear your name. I will praise you, O LORD my God, with all my heart..." Psalm 86:11

And I realized what I would ask.

Why me?

Why?

We know that ALL good things come only through You, and You chose me. You opened my heart, opened my eyes, formed me lovingly... all knowing I would fail.

You chose me to know You. You chose me. You still choose to choose me.

I don't know that I would choose me.

I hate that I know I dissapoint You...

I hate that I want to do things that I know are wrong.

I hate that I am so divided.

I hate that I want so much of this world when I know it's all temporary...

Give me a pure heart Lord, I pray!

So why me? Why do you look at me and smile? Why do you love me so much that you would send your ONLY son to die for MY sins. For my selfishiness, for my vanity, for my pride, for all the sins I am and will commit. For all the sins I will commit AFTER having read how You feel about them. Why...

It blows my mind you love me... It blows my mind you choose me. So my question would be, why?

Why did you choose me? Why do you still choose me? Why do you allow me to serve You when You know better than I do that You don't need me...

You know I love You, Abba... that I am nothing with You. You know that I try so hard to serve You in the way You deserve, but fall painfully, horrificly short... You know I can never do enough or be enough for You, and yet despite all my shortcomings you still love me more than I can even understand... You still care enough to form my fingers, my ears, my eyes... to make just one thing different about me, knowing I would hate it while growing up, but also knowing full well what my Mom would tell me about it to make me feel so loved by not just her, but more importantly by You... to know the number of hairs on my head at any given moments in time... to provide for me... even to bless me so greatly... You made me uniquely different from every other person on this planet. You gave me eyes to see, and hands to serve. And I didn't do a single thing to deserve any of it.

Why do You love me so much? Why do Why do you forgive me so much? Why do you give us sunsets, the ocean, sweet moments of fellowship, family, friends, and daffodills?

Why?

Why did you make us knowing we would dissapoint You?

Why do you never give up on me?

Why?

I'd say thank you, but it's never enough... And I praise You Father, but even that I can't do in a mannar worthy of You! Your Grace, Your Power and Your Love are all beyond anything I can possibly ever understand in my humanity...

I love you, but sometimes I still can't help but to wonder why you love me back...

Sometimes I still wonder why you still choose me.

Sometimes I wonder...

Why me, Abba?

While the cat's away...

2008-05-05T17:11:00.001-07:00

Game On. :)

Use His Moods...

2008-05-05T16:01:00.000-07:00

A few days ago...

I got online to check my e-mail and an article caught my eye: Use his moods to get what you want.

Seriously. That's what it said.

I had to read it a few times, because I REALLY wanted to not believe that I was reading what I was reading.

I ended up having to close out and walk away for a few minutes.

It just breaks my heart to think about it... to think people are going to read that... to think that it made the front page...

... to think people are going to follow it!

It's just so manipulate.

And scheming.

And deceptive.

And lying.

And conniving...

BUT I guess it's a little bit like that serpant in the garden...

I guess it's been a little bit like this from the beginning...

I guess not so much has changed since then.

"Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the LORD God had made." Genesis 3:1

The scary thing is... even though I know - God's Word tells me over and over that Satan is alive and real... that he is incredibly deceptive, crafty, and smart. Even though I know that - sometimes I start to forget it. Sometimes part of me just begins to forget that he is wanting to attack me; that he's just itching to distract me from Christ. That he's dying, thirsting for my blood... for my heart.

I pray constantly that I won't forget, AND YET... even still sometimes I forget.

I didn't read that article. Part of me wanted to, but I decided I didn't want - or need - to know anything past the title.

The title was plenty.

It makes me wonder why I am so surprised when I hear of another broken marriage. Why I wonder why people - even believers - struggle so much with loving one another in a Biblical way.

AND yet...

as believers, we're told exactly how we're supposed to treat each other.

Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity. 1 Timothy 5:1-2

I think that rules out "Using His Moods to Get What You Want". Sorry girls.

We're supposed to treat each other as brother and sisters.

I think that means we treat each other with love, respect, and a pure motive and heart. I think that means we should seek God together. We should serve Him together. We should fellowship together. But I don't think that ever means we manipulate each other. I think that means we don't play games, we don't 'test the waters', and we definitely don't use each other.

I wish so much that I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with every single person who read that article and took it to heart. I wish I could take that writer our for a few cups of coffee. Because I just think that anyone who has practiced using someone must have a heart so broken... It must be shattered. I don't care what they say... I just get the sense that they must have been hurt badly. I want to give them a hug and tell them I know... I've had my heart hurt so badly and so deeply that I spent hours on my knees praying that I wouldn't become cold hearted... I wanted desparately to not be hurt anymore, I didn't want to let anyone in. I thought if I didn't let anyone in close then they couldn't hurt me. But I know now that that kind of life isn't what we're called to. I pray that if I get hurt, God uses it. But I desparately pray I won't become cold hearted...

And I think people who use someone like that don't know real love. I guess they couldn't since they don't know Christ. Since they don't know true love in it's purest, most wonderful form... They obviously don't know it in its selfless, pure, giving form...

That is so sad. That seems so cold.

It seems plastic and stagnant.

It seems so horrible...

I pray we'll know how to love each other like brothers and sisters... that we'll seek out Christ first...

Because he offers as an abundant life... a wonderful, beautiful life. A life above circumstances...

If only we'll just listen. If only we'll just figure out how to make it work, because I know it can. If only we'll just work to be more like Christ and less like the world...

... if only...

God's Grace

2008-05-01T11:48:00.000-07:00

It struck me again today how great God is!!! His Grace is just so beyond what I can even comprehend...

He shelters us in the midst of our storms.

He provides when we are in need.

And not just in a theoretical way...
Today, I woke up dragging. I was exhausted, feeling sick, and absolutely not wanting to go to work.

If I were God I would want to send me an attitude change ASAP, because I was being completely ungrateful and whiny.

But, that's not how our God works.

Instead He reminded me of His Grace by having a sweet email from a new friend in my inbox to greet me this morning...

then a great conversation with my boss.

then an introduction where my boss told me she was grateful for me.

then an opportunity for a sweet time of fellowship with a prayer warrior.

And just now, a reminder that He provides our every breath, and knows the exact number of our days on earth.

It always takes my breath away that the God of the Universe cares about me so much that instead of breaking and discipling me when I'm weak - even though I fully deserve it, he lifts me up, and heals me...

I can't even put into words how great that is to know...

"I will praise God's name in song and glorify Him with thanksgiving" ~ Psalm 69:30

Wish I could...

2008-04-28T17:25:00.001-07:00

Today...

Excitement filled the air around me.

Thoughts swirled above my head, just waiting to be grabbed and pulled down to paper.

My mind turned back to yesterday.

It's amazing what can happen when you pull a group of people from so many different walks of life and unite them with a single cause.

A few days ago I was listening to a sermon from one of my favorite pastors... he was talking about how strange it is that we can say we love Christ, we can act 'righteous' until we run into someone who believes the same things we do, but is a little too different for our comfort. He talked about how ridiculous it is that we don't embrace them, but give them a cold shoulder. How awful is it that we shy away from the people who are different from us! The believers that walk alongside me who are the MOST different from me, the ones that MOST often make me uncomfortable, who I MOSTly don't get are the ones who stretch my faith, challenge me to grow closer to God, and expose parts of me I hadn't recognized before. Those people I love (among other reasons) for those reasons! I love being around people who are similar AND different from me. I think it's good for us to be uncomfortable sometimes. After all Christ didn't come to make us more comfortable...

... He didn't come to pave a life of comfort and security for us.

... way too often we are way too comfortable in this world. With this life...

But one day, we all all live comfortably, wonderfully together united in the purpose of praising our savior...

Sometimes I just can't wait for that day to be here!!!

But in the meantime... there's so much to be done. So many people who need to hear, and so many lives that need to be touched.

In the meantime, I need to become more like Him and less like the world. I need to stretch, grow, and reach further...

And I need to remember that life on earth is just that... life for the meantime...

In His Hands

2008-04-27T14:31:00.001-07:00

I have so much to say… So much I have learned.

Hurts from the past finally laid to rest… Vulnerability confessed and finally practiced. Faith placed back where it belongs – in His hands. Lately, I've been feeling as though God is doing such great things… I can't place my finger on just what it is… Just that it is happening: and that I will continue to pray.

Tonight… A dear friend called unexpectedly. Normally we talk about work-related things, but tonight was something new… Something sweet, unexpected and so encouraging in many ways – a new branch of friendship formed.

A few days ago… I drove down the old ranch road. The windows rolled down, a favorite song playing on the radio. I held my hand up and looked as my fingers laced through the sky, as though I were tracing the stars…

…and my thoughts wandered. Our Father knows the exact number of stars in the sky… How humbling, how exciting! The very fact that He knows us by name… knows our every thought… every breath… and loves us like He does. An impossible, beautiful, awe-inspiring love.

How I love Him... and how wonderful to know that my faith in Him assures me that no matter how I might mess things up, I will always be securely placed where I belong - in His Hands.

I have Aunt fever!!!

2008-04-27T13:27:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting and waiting and waiting and the moment is finally here...

I'M GOING TO BE AN AUNT!!!!!!!!!

I think all the parents in the baby section of Target must have thought I was the biggest nut in the world - I just was way too excited to be shopping in that section for MY SISTER (YAY!!!) and I just could not make up my mind on whether or not she absolutely needed the yellow rubber duck thermometer, the ducky chew toy, or a fun froggy blanket.

I'm so excited that over the next few months I'll get to plan a baby shower, help decorate the room, get meals ready for when the baby is born, and then... BABYSITTING!

I just feel so blessed that God is giving a sweet baby to my sister and brother-in-law! They're going to be such great parents and I feel so blessed that I get to be a part of their lives and be living so close to them during this special time!!

Grace

2008-04-20T18:01:00.000-07:00

Today a conversation while standing in a parking lot caused tears... and I pray heart changes.

It's so hard to look someone in the eye and tell them about the grace the Lord has given you and know that they want it so badly, but can't - no won't - accept it. They refuse to accept what Christ has done for them, so that they don't have to carry that cross. So that they don't have to live in the past.

... It's almost as though they choose to let their past define who they are today, because it's easier for them to punish themselves than to admit their is a perfect God who loves them dearly... who took all our sin, all our shame, all of OUR punishment, so that we wouldn't have to endure it.

He doesn't always take away the consequences, but He is a God of mercy. He is a God who wants and has planned an abundant life for us. Not a life full of shame, bad consequences and pain. He doesn't promise us that following Him will be perfect, but He has promised He will go through it with us, and He has promised eternity in a perfect heaven with Him! He has promised He will never leave nor forsake us... He has promised us so much more than we could ever ask for.

... and so much more than we deserve.

This world is full of God's mercies, His miracles, His wonders, His HOPE, His GRACE, and His beauty...

... If you walk with Him, if you love Him all you have to do is look for it.

and go and embrace the life He's offered.

Welcome!

2008-03-23T12:07:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my blog!

After months and months of thinking I would never become a part of the whole blogging thing, I'm finally giving in! With sisters, family and friends scattered around all kinds of different time zones across the world, I thought this would be a fun way to keep all of you updated and - small as it might be - a way to remain included in the 'day to day' of our lives... And after months and months of reading all of your blogs, I thought maybe it was time to give a little something back to the blogging world... :)

I don't know how updated I'll keep this; hopefully, I'll post something a few times a week, but just keep checking back! :)